WAS THINKN OF HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CHALLENGE MYSELF IN FRONT OF OTHER PPL.......BECAUSE I FEEL SO GUARDED AN SCARED OF BEING RIDICULED OR LAUGHED AT ...ETC......BECAUSE OF MY CHILDHOOD I LEARNED FROM THE START TO ALWAYS BE PROTECTIVE OF MYSELF EMOTIONALLY AN PHYSICALLY AN THATS ALL I KNEW AS A CHILD AN FIERCELY HUNG ONTO THAT ALL MY LIFE.....IT ALSO AFFECTED MY LIFE CHOICES AN CONFIDENCES OF WHETHER I COULD HANDLE LIFE CHOICES FOR MYSELF , RELATIONS WITH MY CHILDREN AN OTHERS, AN I NEVER EVEN HAD A DREAM OF WHAT I WANTED TO BE WHEN I GREW UP BECAUSE OF THE TRAUMA I WAS GOING THRU ....SO ALL MY LIFE IVE COME TO PROTECT AN QUESTION ALL MY DECISIONS AN CHOICES ... OF WHICH I MYSELF RESTRICTED SO AS NOT TO GET HURT FROM MYSELF, PPL OR SOMETHING ELSE ....IT WAS AUTOMATIC RESPONSE I DID WITHOUT EVEN THINKN OF IT ......AN IF I WAS CHALLENGED THAN I BECAME ANXIOUS , ANGRY, DEFENSIVE ETC....IN DOUBTING MY OWN ABILITIES BUT MOSTLY OF BEING EXPOSED AS THE FAILURE I THOUGHT I WAS....AN AS I NEVER RECEIVED APPROVAL IN MY YOUNGER YEARS IT MADE ME QUESTION MY SELF WORTH.....AN TODAY I FEEL AS IF IM HAVING TO CONSTANTLY PROVE MYSELF OR HOW MANY TIMES I WENT ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSES CHOICES JUS TO FIT IN AN BE ACCEPTED....SO MANY CHOICES I HAD AN HOW AN HOW MANY TIMES I HURT MYSELF ........EACH TIME I DID HAVE THE COURAGE TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING ON MY OWN I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO CELEBRATE MY ACCOMPLISHMENT AN GOT EMBARRASSED WHEN OTHERS WANTED TO CELEBRATE MY ACCOMPLISHMENT OR I DID CELEBRATE A LITTLE IN THE PRIVACY OF MY HOME ...... AFTER YEARS OF BEING SO HABITUALLY PROTECTIVE OF MYSELF ITS HARD TO CHANGE MY WAYS AN OPEN UP EVEN TO MYSELF AN TO OTHERS....BUT IF I CANT TAKE CARE OF ME FIRST AN FIGURE OUT AN CHANGE MYSELF FOR THE BETTER THAN HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP MY CHILDREN AN GRANDKIDS .....OR ANYONE ELSE..... AS I SAID BEFORE IT TOOK ALL MY LIFE TO BE THIS WAY BUT IF I GO MINUTE BY MINUTE THAN CHANGE ISNT THAT DIFFICULT AT ALL ..... GET INTO THE HABIT OF LOVING AN RESPECTING AN ENCOURAGING AN TRUSTING MY EMOTIONS THAT IM GOING TO LOOK BACK ON AS GOOD MEMORY LIFE CHOICES AN I DO KNOW THAT IN ALL MY GD CHOICES (?) THERE WILL BE MANY MORE SORROWS N ANGERS N OTHER EMOTIONS....BUT I KNOW THAT I CANNOT LET MY EMOTIONS RUN MY LIFE JUS TAKE LESSONS AN LET GO AN LEARN TO SHARE AN CELEBRATE MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS WITHOUT BEING EMBARRASSED !
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 15:42:37 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015