WELL PLAYED WALMART Over the past 6 months, I have been playing a fun game with my credit card company. The game finally backfired on me today and led me through the most hilarious moment of my life. Most people would have been embarrassed, but me, Im a little twisted, so I laughed all the way through it. Here is the setup to this. About 6 months ago, I was making a purchase with my credit card and when I went to sign the electronic signature machine, it was broken. By broken, I mean that when I touched the pen to the machine, it went crazy and didnt look anything like my signature. It looked like a drunk 4 year old signed my name for me. It accepted the signature without any problems. So this really made me wonder what I could do to give my credit card company something to laugh about. I mean, they obviously dont review the signatures since they never called me or declined a purchase...it could have been a stolen card. I started out modest by signing with a line or an X. Occasionally I would do last name first. After a couple of months, I became bolder. I wrote goofy stuff, drew pictures, etc. Heres a list of some of my favorite signatures over the past few months: I AM NOT KINGPIN I STOLE THIS **** OFF **** YOU WALMART SUCKS CALL ME CROTCHY CROTCHINGTON MY BALLS ITCH 911 IM A CRIMINAL THANKS FOR THE STUFF Today at Walmart I went the extra mile. When it came time to sign my name, a thought popped in my head. I should draw a picture. But what picture should I draw? I smirked as something completely juvenile came to me. This is a rough drawing of the signature that I provided: 8-------------------D (Sorry best I could do texting) Yes, I know, its not my best artwork, but I didnt have the time to be elaborate with the drawing. I had to look like I was providing a signature. Right after I hit OK, there was a pause. The register then said COMPARE SIGNATURE ON SLIP TO CARD. One thought popped in my head: OH *! It then printed the receipt and there in black and white was my drawing of a penis and testicles. The lady at the register didnt immediately look at it. She asked for the card. I handed her the card and she flipped it over. Then she brought up the receipt and she smirked, but then took a stern tone and said These signatures dont match. At this point I was in tears from trying to hold back my laughter. I tried to explain to her why I had done it, but it didnt matter. I probably didnt make sense as I laughed hysterically through the explanation. She then paged the manager and I erupted in laughter. The guy behind me in line got a glimpse of my signature on the receipt and began laughing. The manager comes up and the woman from the register begins whispering to him. I then hear a few words he drew a penis... as she holds up the receipt. The manager blurts out a short laugh and then controls it. He turns to me and Im out of breath from laughing and Im still giggling like a schoolgirl. Manager: Sir, your signature...heh...umm...doesnt match the signature on your card. Me: I know and there is a good reason for that. Manager: (quietly) You drew a penis on my credit card machine. **The guy behind me bursts into laughter.** Me: Yeah, I didnt think this would happen. Ive been trying to see how far I could go with my signature before the credit card company did something about it. Manager: I guess you learned your lesson. Me: Yeah, the credit card doesnt accept penis. **The guy behind me now cant stop laughing.** Manager: OK, Im going to decline the signature and have you sign it again. Me: Fair enough. Manager: This time, really sign it. So I had to sign it again and they wouldnt let me keep my artwork. Those bastards. I had single handedly broken up the monotony of their daily routine and given them something that they will be talking about for years to come and they wouldnt let me keep it. They will tell their grandchildren about the guy that drew cock and balls as his credit card signature. So I have a plan now. Im going to get a new credit card and sign the back with my cock and balls drawing. Then I will consistently use that as the signature. That way, if I ever get caught in the same situation, the signatures will match. That will really mess with them...
Posted on: Mon, 12 May 2014 20:45:09 +0000
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