We are going down the American road. Now that, despite the Serco scandal, Prison services are going being privatized inmates become, in effect a necessary part of the our economic recovery. Not only do they provide profits to private security companies but also will be able to form the backbone of a new slave wage economy, as they most certainly so in America. In America it is called the school to prison pipeline. So Vagrancy was a crime for much of the UKs history, in some cases punishable by death. Work houses profited, prisons will profit. The problem is that we have so many sub functioning human being who are willing to carry out this work, utterly unmindful of what they are doing and who they are supporting. Again, like another part of Douglas Adams? Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy? Where Ford and Arther are just about to be thrown off of a Vogon space ship into the depths of outer space because they hitched a ride 2 minutes before the earth was blown up to make way for an hyperspatial express route. They are being man handled by a particularly big Vogon security guard. QuoteA huge young Vogon guard stepped forward and yanked them out of their straps with his huge blubbery arms. You cant throw us into space, yelled Ford, were trying to write a book. Resistance is useless! shouted the Vogon guard back at him. It was the first phrase hed learnt when he joined the Vogon Guard Corps. The captain watched with detached amusement and then turned away. Arthur stared round him wildly. I dont want to die now! he yelled. Ive still got a headache! I dont want to go to heaven with a headache, Id be all cross and wouldnt enjoy it! The guard grasped them both firmly round the neck, and bowing deferentially towards his captains back, hoiked them both protesting out of the bridge. A steel door closed and the captain was on his own again. He hummed quietly and mused to himself, lightly fingering his notebook of verses. Hmmmm, he said, counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor ... He considered this for a moment, and then closed the book with a grim smile. Deaths too good for them, he said. The long steel-lined corridor echoed to the feeble struggles of the two humanoids clamped firmly under rubbery Vogon armpits. This is great, spluttered Arthur, this is really terrific. Let go of me you brute! The Vogon guard dragged them on. Dont you worry, said Ford, Ill think of something. He didnt sound hopeful. Resistance is useless! bellowed the guard. Just dont say things like that, stammered Ford. How can anyone maintain a positive mental attitude if youre saying things like that? My God, complained Arthur, youre talking about a positive mental attitude and you havent even had your planet demolished today. I woke up this morning and thought Id have a nice relaxed day, do a bit of reading, brush the dog ... Its now just after four in the afternoon and Im already thrown out of an alien spaceship six light years from the smoking remains of the Earth! He spluttered and gurgled as the Vogon tightened his grip. Alright, said Ford, just stop panicking. Who said anything about panicking? snapped Arthur. This is still just the culture shock. You wait till Ive settled down into the situation and found my bearings. Then Ill start panicking. Arthur youre getting hysterical. Shut up! Ford tried desperately to think, but was interrupted by the guard shouting again. Resistance is useless! And you can shut up as well! snapped Ford. Resistance is useless! Oh give it a rest, said Ford. He twisted his head till he was looking straight up into his captors face. A thought struck him. Do you really enjoy this sort of thing? he asked suddenly. The Vogon stopped dead and a look of immense stupidity seeped slowly over his face. Enjoy? he boomed. What do you mean? What I mean, said Ford, is does it give you a full satisfying life? Stomping around, shouting, pushing people out of spaceships... The Vogon stared up at the low steel ceiling and his eyebrows almost rolled over each other. His mouth slacked. Finally he said, Well the hours are good ... Theyd have to be, agreed Ford. Arthur twisted his head to look at Ford. Ford, what are you doing? he asked in an amazed whisper. Oh, just trying to take an interest in the world around me, OK? he said. So the hours are pretty good then? he resumed. The Vogon stared down at him as sluggish thoughts moiled around in the murky depths. Yeah, he said, but now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy. Except... he thought again, which required looking at the ceiling - except some of the shouting I quite like. He filled his lungs andbellowed, Resistance is ...Sure, yes, interrupted Ford hurriedly, youre good at that, I can tell. But if its mostly lousy, he said, slowly giving the words time to reach their mark, then why do you do it? What is it? The girls? The leather? The machismo? Or do you just find that coming to terms with the mindless tedium of it all presents an interesting challenge? Er ... said the guard, er ... er ... I dunno. I think I just sort of ... do it really. My aunt said that spaceship guard was a good career for a young Vogon - you know, the uniform, the low-slung stun ray holster, the mindless tedium ... There you are Arthur, said Ford with the air of someone reaching the conclusion of his argument, you think youve got problems. Arthur rather thought he had. Apart from the unpleasant business with his home planet the Vogon guard had half-throttled him already and he didnt like the sound of being thrown into space very much. Try and understand his problem, insisted Ford. Here he is poor lad, his entire lifes work is stamping around, throwing people off spaceships ... And shouting, added the guard. And shouting, sure, said Ford patting the blubbery arm clamped round his neck in friendly condescension, ... and he doesnt even know why hes doing it! Arthur agreed this was very sad. He did this with a small feeble gesture, because he was too asphyxicated to speak. Deep rumblings of bemusement came from the guard. Well. Now you put it like that I suppose ... Good lad! encouraged Ford. But alright, went on the rumblings, so whats the alternative? Well, said Ford, brightly but slowly, stop doing it of course! Tell them, he went on, youre not going to do it anymore. He felt he had to add something to that , but for the moment the guard seemed to have his mind occupied pondering that much.Eerrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... said the guard, erm, well that doesnt sound that great to me.Ford suddenly felt the moment slipping away. Now wait a minute, he said, thats just the start you see, theres more to it than that you see ...But at that moment the guard renewed his grip and continued his original purpose of lugging his prisoners to the airlock. He was obviously quite touched. No, I think if its all the same to you, he said, Id better get you both shoved into this airlock and then go and get on with some other bits of shouting Ive got to do.It wasnt all the same to Ford Prefect after all. Come on now ... but look! he said, less slowly, less brightly. Huhhhhgggggggnnnnnnn ... said Arthur without any clear inflection. But hang on, pursued Ford, theres music and art and things to tell you about yet! Arrrggghhh!Resistance is useless, bellowed the guard, and then added, You see if I keep it up I can eventually get promoted to Senior Shouting Officer, and there arent usually many vacancies for non-shouting and non-pushing-people-about officers, so I think Id better stick to what I know.They had now reached the airlock - a large circular steel hatchway of massive strength and weight let into the inner skin of the craft. The guard operated a control and the hatchway swung smoothly open. But thanks for taking an interest, said the Vogon guard. Bye now. He flung Ford and Arthur through the hatchway into the small chamber within. Arthur lay panting for breath. Ford scrambled round and flung his shoulder uselessly against the reclosing hatchway. But listen, he shouted to the guard, theres a whole world you dont know anything about ... here how about this? Desperately he grabbed for the only bit of culture he knew offhand - he hummed the first barof Beethovens Fifth. Da da da dum! Doesnt that stir anything in you? No, said the guard, not really. But Ill mention it to my aunt. If he said anything further after that it was lost. The hatchway sealed itself tight, and all sound was lost but the faint distant hum of the ships engines. They were in a brightly polished cylindrical chamber about six feet in diameter and ten feet long. Potentially bright lad I thought, he said and slumped against the curved wall. Arthur was still lying in the curve of the floor where he had fallen. He didnt look up. He just lay panting. Were trapped now arent we? Yes, said Ford, were trapped. Well didnt you think of anything? I thought you said you were going to think of something. Perhaps you thought of something and didnt notice. Oh yes, I thought of something, panted Ford. Arthur looked up expectantly. But unfortunately, continued Ford, it rather involved being on the other side of this airtight hatchway. He kicked the hatch theyd just been through. But it was a good idea was it? Oh yes, very neat. What was it? Well I hadnt worked out the details yet. Not much point now is there? So ... er, what happens next? Oh, er, well the hatchway in front of us will open automatically in a few moments and we will shoot out into deep space I expect and asphyxicate. If you take a lungful of air with you you can last for up to thirty seconds of course ... said Ford. He stuck his hands behind his back, raised his eyebrows and started to hum an old Betelgeusian battle hymn. To Arthurs eyes he suddenly looked very alien. So this is it, said Arthur, were going to die. Yes, said Ford, except ... no! Wait a minute! he suddenly lunged across the chamber at something behind Arthurs line of vision. Whats this switch? he cried. What? Where? cried Arthur twisting round.No, I was only fooling, said Ford, we are going to die after all.
Posted on: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 13:34:47 +0000
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