We could have sat down and talked it out. You said we communicated on different levels. The truth is… We didn’t. I was just so scared of losing you and I was prepared to do anything to keep you. Using a figure of speech - I was prepared to ‘Lie, cheat, and steal’. The latter 2 you know I would never ever have done to you. You were to precious to me to jeopardise that. The first however I did do… Why? Because I was so ashamed of who I was… who I am… What would the most beautiful, most intelligent woman I have ever met want with someone like me?… And the answer I know now is - Nothing. It breaks my heart everyday knowing this. I find myself having a constant daily / nightly inner battle with myself trying to get over you, and forget you, and quite simply I can’t. I am learning to accept that I can’t fight what can’t be beaten. Love is the most powerful force in the universe and I am but only one man. Who am I to take on such a formidable opponent? Again the answer being - Nothing. There is so much I want to say, and I know there will be things I forget to say, but just know this…. My whole heart, my soul, my being belongs to you. Maybe it always has, who knows?…. All I know now it always will. I will never stop missing you or loving you. Not for a single moment have I not missed you or loved you. And isn’t that punishment enough knowing that I can never see, hear, or be with you again? Hear your beautiful soft voice. See your eyes, your smile. To touch you again or hold you? Or feel your warmth next to mine ever again? But just know the moments we did share together I think about them everyday and I will cherish and treasure them forever. I know I said a lot of nasty horrible things when we were breaking up. That I wish I’d never met you and that I hated you. And I am so sorry for saying these things. I felt like I was the only one hurting, and yes, I tried to hurt you back. Forgetting that you were hurting too! I am truly sorry for this. I hope that one day you can find it in yourself to forgive me? And this may be where I should end this letter. I hope that you are happy and as much pain as it may cause me I hope that you are happy now that you have ‘moved on’. Yet I will wait, knowing deep down that it is a totally lost hope. But I will still wait. I guess somethings are just meant to be? I know there is nothing I can say for you to ‘even’ entertain me for just a ‘single’ moment. So this is where I will say ‘goodbye’. Never ever forget I will always be sorry. I miss you and I will always love you! You are my everything
Posted on: Sat, 10 Aug 2013 04:24:20 +0000
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