We joined a gym over the weekend and today was the 3rd day of working out. Arms, chest and BUTT hurt. I even have pain in my armpits. Are you serious, I have muscles in my armpits? I thought maybe I was having a reaction to my laundry detergent or something but NO, muscles under my arms decided to make their presence known. Did a spin class this morning. I wish my mother were still alive as she would have questioned me and made me think about this a little before doing this so early in the process. The class about had me praying to God, Jesus, Joseph, Mary and whoever else would have the authority to deliver my big butt off that dang bike. I was raised Catholic and only today realized that knew how to speak in tongues. Do you know what a taint is? Well, let me tell you, the horn of that seat knows exactly what your taint is, where it is located and how to piss it off. What has my taint done to you stupid exercise bike? What, we are supposed to get of the seat and run in the pedals!?! Oh no you didn’t go there crazy spandex wearing lady. Because I sure didn’t. I did try to do the standing and pedaling act once. My knees buckled so there I am on an exercise bike in a squatting position with my feet stuck in the pedal cages. You know those photographs they take of dancers where they are in midair after a jump with toes pointed? Well, I looked something like that (in a much less graceful manner) with “Oh S#!+” look on my face I am sure. Thank you God (et. all) that I made the choice to be in the back of the class and there was a large man next to me that was not of the judgmental persuasion. Also grateful the room was dark with black lights and I was wearing black. I could have just seen me having worn white or some other bright color that would have shown up on in all the mirrors. “Teacher, Casper the fat ghost is dying over there and he is talking a language I cannot understand.” THANK GOD there was not that bar there like there is on regular boys bikes. If there had been, my taint would not have been the only part pissed at me and the world.
Posted on: Wed, 21 Aug 2013 01:30:41 +0000
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