Wednesday, April 16 Psalm 55 In times past I knew a simpler faith and a child-like trust in God. I was certain, so I thought, of my belief system. Traumatic experiences that occur in this life bring profound questioning. After the death of my 10-year-old son Jordan in 2003, I am certain of little. I think my heart will beat again. I think I will take another breath. I think I will take another step as I walk. Someday, I will die and give up these certitudes. I am, however, certain that I love my son and my family. I have let go of much in my life. To truly live a satisfying life with purpose in this world, we have to love and we have to let go of and forgive much. I have not let go of my belief in God. Faith in God seems to hold onto me. I have a deep longing within that has propelled me to struggle and journey down many paths seeking truth, answers to my questions, solace and inner peace. On this journey I found my way back to myself. God was not out there somewhere. God was within all along. I do not have answers to the many questions. I find myself disheartened by the injustices in this world. I still find myself with deep longing. This longing is never satisfied. It instead keeps me acknowledging this God that I do not understand. I continue to learn that the certainty I have given up, the doubts that remain and the questions with which I tend to struggle do not have to take away from my relationship with my God. Upon pausing, acknowledging and centering in God’s Presence, I find that as I go through the day I experience Love, inner Peace, compassion for the suffering, and an inexplicable Grace that enables me to live with my son’s death and absence. It is a Love and Grace that enables me to be with those who are suffering. It is a Peace that enables me to choose happiness and contentment. It seems fleeting, but I can always pause again. I have a faith that love does not die; that my love for my son and his love for me lives on. It is a faith that believes that where love is, God is. Prayer: God, you are closer than our thoughts, closer than our breath, closer than our heartbeats. You are the life within us. Through the ancient liturgical writings and through our lived experiences, you teach us there is no greater commandment than this, that You exist and to love You, others and ourselves. Remind us to acknowledge Your Presence often. Grant us Grace to bear the hardships of this life. Grant us Peace. Sustain us with your Love. So that we may also love each other, live with purpose and be of service. Stephen Nelson, a registered nurse, is passionate about minimizing suffering and improving quality of life for those in his care. He has been a parishioner of Christ Church Cathedral for eight years. He lives in Nashville with his partner.
Posted on: Wed, 16 Apr 2014 11:10:33 +0000
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