Wednesday January 21, 2015 To hurt feelings is bad. To hurt those you love is worse. And to purposely hurt anyone at anytime for any reason is worst of all. As kids we probably remember unkind things said and done. Some of it from ourselves about someone else. It felt very different, however, when what was said or done was aimed at us. And today splendid lives are cut short and lost because of something said or done. Intent becomes the question. Did we say or do something to someone else, or did someone else say or do something to us with ill intent? If that is so, then such persons will need to learn the wrong of those ways, and pay some price, which might prompt change. On the other hand, there are people hurt --people you care about are hurt-- because of something you didn’t know about, and something you knew about but failed to respond to in proper time. As a young pastor, actually a ‘student pastor’ still in the midst of schooling to become an ordained minister, a member of a church I was serving came up to me and said, “You need to know that we are upset and hurt with you in that you didn’t come to visit Mama while she was so sick with pneumonia and in the hospital.” “I didn’t know that Mama was in the hospital,” I responded. “When was she in, and where?” “I thought you knew,” the son said to me. “Did anyone get word or a message to me?” I asked sincerely. This was before Email, smart phones and texting days. “No,I dont think so,” the son replied honestly, “we just figured that you knew.” “How did you think that?” I asked. “Well,” he came back, “you’re a preacher and all that. We just thought you knew.” I went within the hour, laid my heart before ‘mama’ and asked for forgiveness. I did not then, and do not now ever want someone entrusted to my pastoral care to think that we would ever overlook a visit when needed, or even just ‘to visit’ if desired. Only recently, someone very near and dear to me felt neglected, and left out. Often in these kinds of situations, the hurt is magnified because we missed doing something for someone close to their hearts, and not necessarily themselves. It would be nice to fly to excuses or illness, or ‘other pressing issues.’ That doesn’t work. You have to deal with it. You have to do all you can to take responsibility and make it right in so far as you are able. I went quickly to be with and deal with this important concern. My dad and an uncle had a falling out when were kids. This particular uncle had a drinking problem and would say nasty and vulgar things when drunk. We had a lot of nasty and vulgar! But one day, the uncle aimed it at Mama instead of his own crew. Daddy came on strong, and thank goodness it stayed a very loud word contest and didn’t get worse than that. “I’m done with him,” Dad said. “He’s going too far these days.” It was Mom who replied, “You know he’s ill with this drinking problem, and how fine a man he is when sober. Give it a little time, and then go to him and express your sorrow for it all getting so heated.” Dad just looked at her and said, “Louise, I swear, sometimes I think you’re just not human.” But Dad did seek the uncle out, and offer his apology for his part of the bad argument. “It wasn’t you, Dennie,” the uncle said (my sister and I were witnesses to the first and last part of all this) “It’s my drinking. I need to get hold of it.” He never beat that rap, but there was never another nasty or vulgar word heard in our household from that time on. Some healing is better than no healing. When you take a look at your life and how it has played out thus far, asking if you have hurt or helped people across the years is important. And if hurt is still remembered and present, then if you can, deal with it. Even when you can’t, amends relieve stress and distress. “I wrote a note and left it on her gravesite,” said one man. “I said what I needed to say, and asked forgiveness. But I didn’t sign it. Some one might see it and know it was from me.” If I have hurt you or someone else, please let me know. I want to deal with it, and do what might make it better. As a forgiven human being, I am able to face shortcomings, and hope that forgiveness might come out of it as a good for all concerned. I can only add two things: (1) I dont think it was done on purpose or with ill intent. And (2) I will sign my name. With God’s grace working let’s move from hurt to help. Always love, always, Keith
Posted on: Wed, 21 Jan 2015 11:08:01 +0000
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