Well I guess I need to vent again. I cant stop thinking about what I could have done to have stop this horrific tragedy that has happen to my child. If I have learned anything in this last month about suicide is when someone talks it to so many people that was close to him, including me is that we have to take it more serious and share with each other what that person is sharing with them. I know this could have been prevented. What I found with Marks situation is that he was begging for someone to help him. If we had all got together and shared what he was telling each of us we would have realize that it was more serious then what we thought. If I had known some of the information that I found out after he past I would have done so much more, not to say it was any ones fault. I just wanted to share my thoughts because we can save our loves ones from this terrible act just by being more aware of the signs. Mark would tell people about the thoughts of suicide and even go as far as telling them how he was going to do it but then he would turn around and say he was talking to a professional, going to church, taking meds and that he new that wasnt what he wanted to do and the whole time he had been trying it out and left it up as a reminder. I didnt know about these thoughts and acts before he died but if I had I would have done something more to save my child. Sometimes it seems we are all in a fog but we need to get educated about people with thoughts of suicide. The first time I heard him say suicide it floored me because I never thought he would ever feel that. Sometimes the strongest people need the most love and attention. I want to help anyone I can to keep them from losing someone close to them. It has been like a roller coaster ride since this happen. I dont know whether Im coming or going. I cant focus and it seems like know matter how hard I try I can never get anything accomplish. It seems like Im jumping over one hurdle after the other. Im so angry, sad and I feel guilty every time I laugh or try to have a good time. The guilt of being his mother and not preventing this terrible tragic act is almost unbearable. I dont want anyone to ever feel so helpless again.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 01:19:53 +0000
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