Well, because I have gotten so many requests, here is my easy to follow recipe for croissants!! Step 1: Consult a dictionary for what, exactly, a croissant is. Apparently, it is NOT a flightless waterfowl. That is a penguin. [note: unless you have a special one, dictionaries do not have recipes - a grave oversight, really]. Step 2: Do an image search to look at the elusive pastry. Recall when you have had one. Text Waya Ricker-Bell and ask her how to do the rest. Step 3: Reward your hard research with a Sasquatch movie marathon. Wonder aloud if Sasquatch would be your croissant comrade. Step 4: Call Waya. Cry a little when she does not answer. Eat some crackers, and despair that they are a poor substitute for a croissant. Step 5: Post a passive aggressive status on Facebook. This has nothing to do with anything but is good to do occasionally to find out your REAL friends. Do not provide any details, as it is none of anyones business and you are a private person. Step 6: Go to Panera to purchase a croissant. Argue with cashier that unopened Garbage Pail Kids card packets are as good as cash. Leave unfulfilled due to draconian currency standards. Step 7: Realize that you are actually craving a sense of peace, unattached to any physical reality in a quest to have a more positive self actualization. ...until you find that Waya has texted you the recipe hours ago but you just thought your phone had a chill and ignored it. Step 8. Halfway into finding a decent bowl, your realize that it is nearly 2am and that you have to sleep at some point. Sleep in your car outside Panera, this time with a mint condition Spawn #127.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 17:03:30 +0000