Well, now, I have had a few hours of respite on my day off, and am cool, calm and collected. I give thanks for being cool, calm and collected, for I did, for a minute have a moment. And you know what? I dont give a darn! Ill explain why. It goes back to a quote I made in a conversation with my Bishop while in New York: I aint got no shame in my game. *shrugs* There are bits of scripture I carry and play in my head, when things get to be too much for me: (as tragic as the situation was) were the words: It is finished. There at the foot of the cross - we gather and leave our shame, embarrassment, fear, failure, anger, disillusionment, and all those other feelings we sometimes carry around with us...all finished! The Son/Sun/Creator/Higher Power/Holy Spirit knew exactly what it was doing, and she did it because she was made to love us ... Worship and adore us! My shame manifested itself in many destructive behaviors, beginning with silence: Shhhhhhhhh! You better not tell that. Dont say that! That is so inappropriate! Thats no way for a pastor to express herself ... Save it for special people to tell it to.... Can you smell it? BALDERDASH! I learned early in my recovery to say what was bothering me. To let go of how I was feeling. To express myself! I dont cuss in my FB rants, I dont threaten anyone. But I will let you know that I am not a happy camper. I will not throw my congregation or people in it under the bus. I wont specifically mention a person by name, and if I use an example...it is an example which applies to most of the human condition. If it just happens to boomerang your way, then it was meant for you. When it comes to ME! I will talk about ME, and how I feel about a situation. You can like it, or not. I am not posting for you. I am posting to get it out of my system. I post my safe feelings (that wont get me fired). It never lasts long. Probably long enough for some folks to take think to themselves, there she goes. A few will contact me. Mostly though everybody gets real quiet. HAHAHAHA! And thats okay, because honestly, I have 5 assigned people who know me, and know to pick up the phone and check in. But check this out: here is the beauty of it all. And I AM not boasting or bragging, merely sharing how this works in the bigger picture. Someone ALWAYS contacts me, who is going through a similar pain. Someone ALWAYS trusts ME with their stuff. Someone ALWAYS reaches out, not to minister to me...but to be ministered to...to be heard. And i realize that my life, as crazy as it may seem at times, was made for this, as well. I was made to love whoever it is. I dont say that gallantly...but humbly, and sacredly and sometimes painfully. I love the music of my time...and am reminded of a song by Stevie Wonder, I was made to love her. I believe we are made to love each other. Not in the physical sense, but on a higher level...a spiritual level, an experiential level, a painful level, a lonely level, a brotherly/sisterly level...a quiet level. A pure you are important to me kinda love. We were made to love each other. I love you, and everything is gonna be okay. Trust and believe
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 01:37:38 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015