Well, today is my last day in Lawrence. I arrived in August 2007, and am now leaving in August 2014, exactly 7 years later. In that 7 years, I have learned more about myself, the world, and my God than in the previous 19 combined. Before my 7 years in Lawrence, I had never experienced the death of anyone close to me. After, I have experienced several such deaths, and they softened my heart more than anything else I have ever experienced. Before Lawrence, I had never been outside of North America. After, I have been to five continents and 15+ countries. Before Lawrence, I had never experienced betrayal or being backstabbed by people who I would never have dreamed would do such a thing. After, I have experienced several such incidents. Before Lawrence, I had never dreamed I would write, be involved in politics, various issues in the world, and going to law school. After, I am planning on being involved, in some way, in all of these things. Before Lawrence, I thought my family would be forever together. After, I know that even the best families can falter sometimes, and divorce and heartache can, despite the pain, be great pruners of our character. Before Lawrence, I had never experienced church politics before. After, I have become convinced that church politics are among the worst on earth, and they are usually caused by people who are either convinced they are Gods anointed to rule and reign over whoever falls within their sphere, or not honest with either themselves or others about who they really are. Before Lawrence, I had a tough mind, perhaps, but a rather weak heart. After, through death, trial, and tribulation, I have come away with a soft heart that feels very deeply for peoples pain and circumstances, while continuing to be honest with them about what I really think about it. Before Lawrence, besides a smattering of family, and one or two friends, I didnt know who my true friends were. After, I know who they are because they not only came through the fire themselves, but walked through the fire with me, and they are amazing people who I simply couldnt live without, and who, each in their own way, have made me the man I am today, and without whom I would not find life nearly as satisfying. They have become family. Before Lawrence, I was a young kid who took his faith seriously, but had never really risked anything with it. After, my faith has become more daring, more trusting, and more audacious than I ever thought it could be. I have taken more steps in the dark than I ever wanted to take, but only because I knew that was what God was calling me to do, and, as He always does, He proved Himself faithful and true, working out everything for the best, even when it seemed like they were headed for the worst. Before Lawrence, I didnt question God so much as I questioned theologies and people. After, our relationship is such that we now wrestle. I usually come out the bruised one, but like a tried and true friend, we always have completely honest conversations, sometimes painfully so, and even when we have conflict, our relationship is always stronger for it. I can now say along with one of my heroes, Sophie Scholl, that I will continue to cling to the rope God has thrown me in Jesus Christ even when my numb hands can no longer feel it. In other words, my faith is about what is real, solid, durable, and worthy of trust, whether I feel it or not. That, I have discovered, is true faith. Perhaps most importantly, before Lawrence, my integrity had never truly been tested. After, I can say it was tested greatly, and I believe I passed the test. I say this not in a gloating manner. Passing the test required many tears, and dark nights of the soul. Passing the test required losing relationships I desperately wanted to keep. Passing the test required grueling honesty with myself, and sometimes others. Passing the test required standing up for myself on occasion when what I really wanted to do was just get along and not rock the boat, but correct principles required otherwise. Passing the test meant many nights drenched in worry and stress. Passing the test meant a good deal of sacrificing and putting others before myself (though I never did this perfectly, and am still working at it). In sum, my 7 years in Lawrence have been the most impactful of my life. They have been filled with lots of bad, but even more good. I will leave this town, the town I have lived in longer than anywhere else in my life, with my head held high, proud of my achievements, mindful of my failures and the lack of maturity they revealed, and the lessons I learned from the failures of others; dearly missing that small but tried and true group of friends, but not too much, because I know they will be lifelong; and very, VERY optimistic about the future, completely confident that God is guiding my steps, no matter how much I may screw it up along the way, and so utterly thankful for the amazing people, amazing times, and amazing memories which shall forever be in my heart. To Lawrence, my dear friends and mentors, who knows what the future may hold? But at least for now, my time here is complete. You have my undying affection, and I am always at your disposal, no matter how early or late, if I can ever be of service to any of you. May God guide us all, and may we trust His guiding. With much love, Josh
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 19:39:07 +0000
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