What a way to end the year! Received my revision notes from Harlequin and although its a shame that they wont be publishing it anymore, I do think its very honourable that they still went to the effort of compiling over three pages of detailed, comprehensive feedback on all aspects of my book. Plus, I made the editor cry in one of the scenes! Mission achieved! Heres a little snippet from the notes. Dear Liana, I’ve taken a look at your fantasy romance, White Horse, and I quite enjoyed the story and your voice. I loved the concept of the segregated sectors and the over-industrialized society. I got kind of a Hunger Games meets Harry Potter vibe, and it pulled me right into the story. The battle scenes, in particular, were well-described, tense and emotional. I got very invested! You’ve also created a great, memorable character in Ash. Her grit and guts stole my heart and I rooted for her to find a great HEA with Eli. I’ve got a few suggestions for ways to make your book even stronger. I hope you’ll find them helpful. As always, the author knows her story best, so you may find that some of these work for you and others don’t. That’s perfectly fine. The Prologue I found the very short opening and then a time jump to just ten minutes earlier a bit jarring, and I suggest deleting that bit so as to eliminate the jump. Moreover, it would help with the pacing if we could get to Ash’s POV sooner. She’s the real hook, and we don’t want to give readers the chance to put the book down before they get to her. I suggest condensing as much of the prologue and first nineteen pages as possible and providing the necessary info via Ash’s dreams, the historical recordings, stories from Oroton, etc. Worldbuilding and Secondary Characters I particularly enjoyed the way Shorty, Micki and Gunner reflected the various attributes of their forces/houses. The lessons she has with those three are fantastic, and I got very attached to the characters. When I thought Gunner would die going after Jacob, I got worried, and then Jacob’s last stand with the bomb made me cry. Those battle scenes were amazing. If you gave Falco a bit more characterization, motivation and backstory, he’d feel more fleshed-out. As it stands, he seems evil and crazy, but he’d be much scarier if we could see why he’s that way and what motivates him.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Dec 2014 05:57:23 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015