"What are you prepared to walk away from? This oft-unasked question shapes one of the most important principles in my life. ... I tend to look at this situation a tad differently, though, taking the hypothetical a bit further… There is a scene in Heat in which Neil McCauley (Robert De Niro) says, “Allow nothing in your life that you cannot walk out on in 30 seconds flat.” Although my life isn’t anything like McCauley’s (he’s the movie’s bad guy), I share his sentiment (for the most part). That is to say, almost everything I bring into my life—material possessions, ideas, habits, and even relationships—I must be able to walk away from at a moment’s notice. Many of you will disagree with me because this ideology might sound crass or insensitive to you, but I’d like to posit to you that it is actually the opposite: our preparedness to walk away is the ultimate form of caring. If I purchase new possessions, I need to make certain that I don’t assign them too much meaning. Being able to walk away means that I won’t ever get too attached to my belongings. ... If I take on a new idea or habit, I do so because it has the potential to add value to my life. New ideas shape the future Me. Same goes for new habits. But over time, my ideas change, improve, expand; and my current habits get replaced by new habits that continue to help me grow. Hence, our readiness to walk away from ideas or habits means that we’re willing to grow—that we’re willing to constantly pursue a better version of ourselves. If I bring a new relationship into my world, I know that I must earn their love and respect and kindness. I also expect that they too are willing to walk away should I not provide the support and understanding they require. This means that we must both work hard to contribute to the relationship. We must communicate and remain cognizant of each other’s needs. And above all, we must care. These fundaments—love, understanding, caring, communication—build trust, which builds stronger relationships in the long run. It sounds paradoxical, but our willingness to walk away actually strengthens our bond with others. Plus the opposite stance—being chained by obligation to a relationship—is disingenuous, a false loyalty birthed from pious placation. There are obvious exceptions to this rule.... The key, then, is to have as few exceptions as possible. Naturally, though, even these exceptions aren’t exceptions for everyone. ..We can ultimately walk away when these situations no longer add value to our lives (or worse, when they drain value from our lives). When all is said and done, everything I allow into my life enters it deliberately. If my home was aflame, there’s nothing I own that can’t be replaced. ... Similarly, I’m prepared to walk away from nearly anything—even this website or teaching or writing—if need be. Doing so safeguards my continued growth and improves my relationships with others, both of which contribute to a fulfilling life, a life of meaning. It was C.S. Lewis who, fifty years ago, eloquently said, “Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.” In today’s material world, a world of fear-fueled clinging, his words seem more apropos than ever." -Joshua Fields Millburn
Posted on: Tue, 30 Jul 2013 01:44:14 +0000
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