What can I say.....last week we said our final goodbye to dad.....It still seems so surreal...one week on, things look the same yet different, I feel ok yet not ok...my heart has someway lifted yet feels heavier....the gaps and silences seems louder and longer yet to know he is in a better place is what we continue to focus on. Dads battle with cancer was 12 very short weeks yet it felt like we were going through a slow motion car crash...never really expecting the full impact to take him so quickly. His life on earth had become hell so we knew when it came to that moment,that horrible horrible moment.... heaven was the only place we could let daddy go to...So many amazing people took such good care of daddy...the list is way too long but my heart will always be in the beating pulse and caring hands of the oncology unit in Tullamore Hospital. Words will never say enough for what they did for us, how they cared for daddy and how they simply loved him like he was their own dad. Dr. Bolger and his team, Margaret Claffey and all the amazing staff and wonderful wonderful nurses. So many names I would love to list but I know ye know who ye are...words could never express how much we owe them for getting us through the worse nightmare that I could ever imagine. They became our second family and second home and everyday I miss their friendly smiling faces and just want to say that in the worse possible 12 weeks of our lives, somebody sent us the best possible crew to take us through troubled waters like no other!!! I also want to take this moment to try to put into words all who have cared so much for us since dads battle ended and our struggle began, means to us. We were just blown away with the kindness, support and love that has been shown to us since our worlds fell apart. My head still cant comprehend the 400-500 people who crossed the threshhold of our home last Tuesday evening....but its just tip of the iceberg stuff really...the love shown to us since our world came crashing down has been out of this world...The calls, texts, messages, hugs, cards, hearts, food-so much food, love -- so much LOVE and all round support has just been beyond belief. Mam had said when this happened, sure we wont have too many calling....it will just be a few people....well how wrong she was....the world has called and cared about us since dad left us and there are no words that could thank you all enough. To my amazing friends and family...to you here reading this on Facebook, yes you....you are so special to me and whatever way or whatever path that we originally met and became friends, I thank faith and some other power for bringing you into my life...and I thank you for caring so much about me over the last week....I never thought my heart or me as a person could get through such a nightmare and still as I struggle on, I have found strength I never knew I had...the strength comes from you caring so much and for being there for me in so many different ways....the strength comes from my friendship with you no matter how we met, whether we spoke at a bus stop once, whether we are family, we sat together in national school, we sang in a field or got lost on a path, we worked together or laughed together or maybe you only recently came into my world...whatever the way or however we met, you mean a lot to me and all the unbelievable love that has been shown I will never be able to repay, give back or thank you enough....but as the song goes, when I needed you, you were there...no words ever needed to be spoken, I just knew you were there and whats also wonderful is I know you will always be there....My dad and mam brought me up to always see the good in people and always look for the silver line and dad even in his hardest moments over the past 12 weeks and there were sooo many of them fought and fought until the bitter end and always saw a silver line The nurses are so nice here, Ill be home soon, back milking. He brought me up to always appreciate everyone around me, always look for the good and to always say thanks....and even though im definitely going through one of the hardest struggles of my life, trying and fighting to see the silver line, I can see it and its you I see! Its the family I gained through our nightmare and its the family I have when the next nightmare kicks off! So as I close this mini thesis, and Ive got a feeling I might be writing quite a few of these on here in times to come, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart....THANK YOU for being YOU! Thank you for caring and thinking and praying and for everything! The world may be bleak and dark at times, and even as the grey clouds overhang my world at the moment and the storm is definitely not over yet, its still raging, there are silver lines galore shining through! Hope you like my song choice...hard to cover ye all but this song makes me sad and lifts me as well.... Ok thats enough from me, thanks for reading this and thanks also for reading this far down...Go forth into the world and forever be you....cos youre pretty darn fantastic and lucky anyone who gets to know you! In dark times, its the shining lights that show us the path forward to safe ground again....I see the lights and they are helping me through....... Much love and so many hugs to you all, Louise xxx PS Dad if youre reading this...which I highly doubt it since you were very much not a facebook fan but just in case you got hooked up in heaven, I love you more than you will ever know and every second of every hour of everyday since you left, I hear you in my head....I miss you something terrible and life will never be the same without you. I always heard you in my head and in my thoughts in everything I did in my life so Im really hoping you will always be there even if I cant see you no more. Hope youre settling in nicely in heaven and every sunshine, star, blue sky and silver line I see, I know youre not too far away. Love you dad and that fight you put up for those 12 hellish weeks, well you truly were a real life super hero and my favourite part... a true gent... PPS Will you please tell the cows to stop breaking out since you left?! Love ye all, Louise xx https://youtube/watch?v=-X79Jko9bBI
Posted on: Thu, 28 Aug 2014 10:52:14 +0000
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