What do you spend most of your time thinking about? If you work, obviously a lot of your day is focused on what you’re doing. But what I want to know is what is it that you find yourself talking about and thinking about more than anything else? If you’re goal oriented you more than likely find your thoughts consumed with milestones, deadlines and accomplishments completed, etc. If you have children much of your time is spent focused on all that goes along with being a parent. But when all those things are taken care of and in between these distractions, what is on your mind? Becoming aware of what it is you focus on can shed light on what is really going on inside you. If you are fortunate enough to have everything you want in life such as, the perfect partner, good kids, financial independence, and you may even be lucky enough to do what you love; then your thoughts are probably focused on where you’re taking your next vacation, what charity to give to, and which bottle of wine to pair with dinner tonight. But, since that isn’t how most people are living their lives, well, at least the ones I know, then your thoughts are typically focused on what you are missing in life, your fears, your worries and basically whatever it is that is making you unhappy. It’s one thing to consider your circumstances and try to find solutions. It’s another thing if you become consumed with it. When you become consumed with and only focus on what’s not going right in your life you can drown yourself in stress, negativity and hopelessness. Caravaggio (one of my favorite artists) paints Narcissus who upon seeing his reflection in the water falls in love with his image and can’t stop staring at himself; ultimately causing his demise. He could only focus on one thing; in this case, himself. It’s not much different than when you choose to only focus on what’s wrong in your life because the reality is there are a whole lot of things around you that are right with your life. But we can become so consumed by these so called “bad” circumstances that we forget that we are blessed with so many more good things. Some people focus on the bad so long that they lose sight of what’s good. Take the following as an example: I know of two people, one a man, the other a woman who both believe they’re old. How old is old? Relative to what? Age is in the mind. No one is as young as they were yesterday. Duh! I didn’t actually have to tell you that! But when you are so consumed with being old, you tend to act it, look it and most things you say and do reflect this belief. The reality is that however old you are right now is as good as it gets! So instead of dreading it why not start to enjoy it because if you don’t like where you are today you’re in trouble because next year it isn’t going to get any better! For many, they hold onto their “beliefs” about whatever to the point of letting it ruin their fun in life. It zaps their joy. They can’t look at it any other way because that is what they believe. If instead they were to put it in perspective they might be able to embrace life right where they are and look at all that is right; and then be thankful for it. Another example that I hear ALL OF THE TIME is I’ll never meet anyone, or I’m lonely. What if that was all that you focused on; not having someone in your life? How do you think that is going to make you feel? You consume yourself with things like, it’s date night and I’m alone, I want to wake up next to someone, go to the movies together, cook together, etc. or just do nothing together. I want SOMEONE in my life. Well, what if you don’t have SOMEONE? Does that mean you can’t still have a good life? For many the answer is, of course I can have a good life but in reality, they don’t. And, the truth is they usually do have a good life but don’t feel like they do because of this one factor missing in their lives. It overshadows everything else. When your thoughts are focused on being alone or lonely, you are missing the fact that there is a WHOLE world out there waiting for you to explore it. I could give you a list of things you can do instead, but I think you get the idea. So instead of drowning yourself in your issues like Narcissus ultimately did, try to take your focus off of the so called bad in your life so you can start to embrace all that is good. It’s worth it!
Posted on: Tue, 13 Aug 2013 16:07:07 +0000
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