What does it mean to survive? If youve held a gun to your head, slashed your skin, or swallowed a handful of pills, you know. Something either changed your mind, or if youre like me, you were saved through emergency medical intervention. I overdosed on a prescription medication called Trazodone in December 2010 after a ridiculous argument with my father. I was taken to Harborview Medical Center, the Northwests premier trauma center, after nearly dying several times. I remember very little about it. But I do recall the agonizing days in ICU, the forced commitment, afterward. I truly hit rock bottom. I felt as if no one loved me. That my life was worthless. That people would be better off if Id died, or even better, if I had never been born. This is the mind of a suicidal person. I also know what its like to survive the loss of a loved one to suicide. Many of you know that my first husband, Alan Wright, took his life in June 2004. Although a decade has passed since that unspeakable day, the pain has not subsided. I carry it with me each and everyday. There is no getting over such a tragedy when a 39-year-old man chooses to end his existence. The pain is unrelenting. Today has been shocking and difficult for so many people. Those of us who grew up watching Mork And Mindy or so many amazing Robin Williams films, are reeling the loss of an amazing talent, of a man who was universally loved. For those of us who have been to the edge, however, we feel something else: another heartbreak. The bandage ripped off. Salt in the wounds. What can you do for your friends who may be depressed, bipolar, or considering suicide? Mostly: please be present. Listen. Please do not judge. Ive heard several times tonight that suicide is cowardly, that its selfish. NO. Its brave to survive the pain that leads a person to suicide. But we dont need to hear your judgment about our loved ones or our lives. We need caring and support. If you really think that living to be age 63 and to carry that much pain is cowardly, then I dont know what to tell you. All I know is that Robins family, friends and many fans dont need to hear that. They - we - need the time to grieve this tragic loss of an amazing talent. Over the past decade Ive had the honor to speak to hundreds of suicide survivors. And I think that they are the bravest people I have ever met. Our loved ones were not cowards. They were not selfish. They were sick and in great pain, experiencing catastrophic losses and life changes that were beyond their control. And when we made fateful decisions to do the same, thats how many of us felt. Please be compassionate. When we grieve today, we are not too emotional or overreacting. We are grieving. We will always grieve. The death of Robin Williams is incredibly tragic. And it speaks to the insidious nature of suicide: it can be anyone. Robin Williams. Ernest Hemingway. So many others. Talent, money, fame, friends: they dont matter when youre in the pit of agony. Sadly, weve seen that today: the outpouring of grief over Robin Williams suicide shows just how much he was loved. And how much he - and all of our loved ones - will truly be missed. Thank you for your compassion and understanding.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 04:45:55 +0000
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