Whats on my mind..? Reality...letss talk about reality... Its just me...but Im tired of reality shows...or maybe its just that I can tell people are acting in ways they wouldnt if they didnt know they had a camera on them... The only reality for me is the one Im living at any given moment...what is really happening...not what is being manufactured or manipulated to happen... REAL...what is real..? Food labels make a big deal of using real ingredients...contains real vegetables...wow...real sugar... Coke is the real thing... 7 Up is the un-cola... Do you know the difference between reality and fantasy..? Thats why I like writing at this age...I can write about things that I have actually lived through...my reality...I think the problem may be the muddle of all the different versions of reality...even mine...other peoples version of what I am living through or have lived through...our reality is colored by so many things...expectations...hopes...outright lies...deception...underhandedness...greed...love...generosity...pain...pleasure... Someday Ill be able to write about the hard things...maybe... Maybe what we are looking for is satisfaction...more so than reality...artificial sweeteners are sweet...but they dont satisfy or are too sweet... I will often go without...until I have what I want...what I know I really want...and I dont mean just food...I get this feeling of...thats nice but its not IT...it just doesnt hit the spot...it doesnt do it for me...it could be music...Id rather have silence unless I can hear that sound Im looking for...that guitar part...that voice...Id rather be single than be with someone who doesnt get me...once you know the difference...yes...you say the right things...you do the right things...I like how I feel around you... Im gradually accepting the reality of my life right now...its not anything like I envisioned my retirement to be...and its the wrong time...too soon...it is forcing me to rebuild things from scratch...with less...fewer resources than I have ever had in my life...so I am drawing on some sort of inner strength...until my material outer world rebuilds...its almost like a luxury to be able to write...something I always wanted to do...and I hope it may help someone else... My honesty...my forthright honesty...I wonder how much pain could be saved by honesty...how many years of wasted time with the wrong person...then when the right one does come along...you are still expecting them to be like the last one...maybe they arent...maybe they are better...maybe they were just what you were looking for all along...and youre missing it...worrying about them being like someone else...I will know for another time...for sure... But...strangely...Im enjoying this time...because Ive taken some pressure off of myself...Im lowering my expectations right now...I can write in my sweat pants and dont have to look like a magazine picture... Places...every place I live...I get homesick for somewhere else...but then when you go back it has changed...and you like where are now better anyway...I miss the city right now...but what Im really missing is how I felt there...empowered...strong..petent...like I had love in my life and good family connections...I wasnt rich but I had a little extra money to treat myself each pay day and I could save for the future (which is now...this is my rainy day that I was saving for)... So what I really am missing is that feeling...more so than the place I guess... I know Im going to be married once more in my lifetime...that will be it...and I know how it will feel...we do not provoke people that we love...we do not push their buttons...we try to do things that they like...we dont push for a reaction and then say...there...I told you so... Im a very easy going...zen person...but some people are not happy without drama...conflict...chaos and confusion...keep them far away from me...hee... But right now Im enjoying this very real life that Im living day by day...even without the TV on..! Cest vrai..! Moi
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 18:22:00 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015