When a friend has HIV HIV is now a fact of life and poses new challenges for everyone not: not only persons who are ill, but their friends and loved ones as well. Often it is people who are young that have become ill and their hopes for a long life have been severely affected. Their situation is not isolated. People close to them share it. When someone you know is ill with a serious illness like HIV you may feel helpless or useless. If the person is a friend you may say, “Just call if you need anything.” But because of insecurity or a sense of helplessness, you may fear the call, if it comes. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that may help you to help someone who is very ill. • Don’t avoid your friend. Be there. It gives hope. Be a friend, the loved one you’ve always been, especially now when it is important. • Touch your friend. A simple hug can let him or her know you still care (Don’t be afraid. HIV cannot be contracted by casual touching or casual contact) • Call before you visit. Your friend may not feel like visitors that day. Don’t be afraid to phone again and visit on another occasion. Your friend needs you and may be lonely and afraid. • Weep and laugh with your friend. Don’t be afraid to share such intimate experiences – they enrich you both. • Tell your friend what you’d like to do to help. If he or she agrees, do this. Keep any promises you make. • Call to say you are bringing your friend’s favourite food. But ask to make sure it is something he or she is able to eat. Be precise about the time you are coming. Bring the food in disposable containers, so your friends won’t be worried about washing the dishes. Spend time-sharing a meal. • Call to find out if anything is needed from the store. Ask for a shopping list and make a “special delivery”. • Be creative. Bring books, magazines, used tapes, a wall poster or home baked cookies. All of these become important now and bring warmth and joy. • Bring along another friend who hasn’t visited before. • Volunteer to take your friend for a walk or an outing, but ask about and respect any limitations. • If your friend is a parent, ask about and offer to help care for any children. Offer to bring them to visit if they are not living with your friend. • If there are young children living with your friend, offer to take them or pick them up from school or day care. Ask if you could make them lunch or supper or take them to the dentist, doctor, ect. • Help celebrate holidays- and life – by offering to decorate your friend’s home or hospital room. Bring flowers or other special gifts. Include your friend in your holiday plans. A holiday doesn’t have to be marked on the calendar; any day can be made a holiday. • Offer to help answer any letters or phone calls your friend may have difficulty in dealing with. • Offer to do household chores, perhaps by taking out the laundry, washing dishes, watering plants, feeding and walking the pets. This may be appreciated more than you realise. But don’t take away chores that your friend can still do. He or she has already lost enough. Ask before doing anything. • Don’t be reluctant to ask about the illness. Your friend may need to talk. Find out by asking, “Do you feel like talking about it?” • What’s in the news? Discuss current events. Help your friend from feeling the world is passing him or her by. Keep your friend up to date on mutual friends and other interests. Your friend may be tired of talking about symptoms, doctors and treatments. Take your cues from the person with HIV. • Like anyone else, a person with HIV can have both good and bad days. On good days treat your friend the same as other friends. On bad days treat him or her with extra care and compassion. • Talk with your friend about the future: tomorrow, next week, next year. It is helpful to look toward the future without denying the reality of today. Hope is especially important at this time. • Don’t feel like you both have to talk. It’s OK to sit together reading, listening to music, watching television or holding hands. Much can be expressed without words. • Can you take your friend somewhere? Transportation may be needed to a treatment, the doctor, bank, and store or perhaps to a movie or community event. How about just a ride to the beach or the park? • If your friend expresses concern about his or her looks, be gentle, but acknowledge these feelings. Just your listening may be all that is needed. Try pointing out some positive physical traits. It may make him or her feel better. • Check in with the people who are taking care of your friend. They too may be suffering. They need a break from the illness from time to time. Offer to stay with the person with AIDS in order to give the loved ones some free time. Invite them out or offer to accompany them places. Remember, they need someone to talk with as well. • Don’t allow the person with HIVe care – partner to become isolated. Let them know about support groups or other concrete, practical services offered without charge by local HIV organizations or hospitals, as well as opportunities for political activity or HIV advocacy. • Finally, take care of yourself! Recognize your own feelings and respect them. Share the grief, your anger, and helplessness – whatever emotions you may have, either with friends and loved ones or in a support group. Getting the support you need during this crisis will help you to be really there for your friend.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 07:31:36 +0000
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