When my kids were little I took them to the circus. In the center ring was the trapeze act. We watched this beautiful lady climb up this tall ladder to the top of the auditorium. On the opposite side of the ring another performer did the same. Each of them grabbed a swinging bar and started swinging back and forth toward each other in the center of the ring. As they got their momentum going they got closer and closer to where they were almost touching. Almost but not quite. They kept swinging back and forth and then all of a sudden the lady let go of her bar in mid air and grabbed the hands of the performer swinging on the other bar. Then both of them swung back to the opposite side from where the lady had started. As I watched this performance it dawned on me that this performance was a little like where I was in my recovery journey. I had climbed out of my comfort zone and started going to meetings looking for a way to go from where I was to where I wanted to be. I was going to meetings and playing at working the steps but I had not quite committed myself to the concepts of the program. I was still swinging back and forth. I wanted my life to be what I wanted it to be on my terms. I did not want to change sides. I wanted him to change sides. Even though I felt defeated when I went to my first meeting I was still struggling with letting go. So there I was in limbo. Not exactly where I use to be, but not where I wanted to be either. I was just swinging back and forth waiting for the past to change so that I could be happy. Waiting for everyone else to change so that I could be happy. I was afraid to let go of the life I was holding onto to, to reach out and grab something better for me and my girls. The only way I was ever going to get to the other side, with or without my spouse, was to let go of the bar I was swinging on and and reach out for the bar of opportunity in front of me. The only way I was ever going to be free was to let go of the status quo and reach out for a new life in front of me. Trying to change something I could not change did not help or improve the situation and it did not lead to a solution. It was time to let it all go. I knew that day at the circus that I could no longer be wishy washy about my commitment to this program.
Posted on: Mon, 09 Sep 2013 10:33:25 +0000
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