When my mother died I thought, “Hey world… stop turning, you’re forgetting someone!” but in the blink of an eye a decade passed me by, and I have changed many times over since then. My mom was a problem solver and she liked helping people. People loved her. I feel like in this new world of social media, she would have found everyone she ever knew on Facebook and connected with them. My mom was beautiful and had great fashion sense. She knew how to dress and accessorize for any occasion. She used to say “I’m so cute” – and she was. I did not learn this from her – but she did pass it on to my best friend Jia, who attributes her style in large part to my mom. My mom knew how to give presents. She had this uncanny ability to find just the perfect thing for every person. She loved cats. She called herself the “head cat” and she had a nightgown that said “Cats are like potato chips – you can’t have just one.” She could finish the New York Times crossword puzzle on Sundays. She could read an entire book in one sitting. She had strong political beliefs – and would argue and debate them fiercely. At the opera, if the soprano was really good (like in this production of Traviata we saw), she would put her head back, close her eyes, and listen with a smile on her face. She loved surfing movies – serious ones like ‘In God’s Hands” and corny ones like “Blue Crush.” She loved dark chocolate, red sour patch kids, gummy bears (which she called “goomies”), and me. She really REALLY loved me. Was my mother perfect? No. My mother had demons, and they got the best of her in the end. At her funeral, her best friend’s husband said “They say that God doesnt give people more than they can handle, but unfortunately he gave Louise a little too much. And I miss her so much. Sometimes I wonder how it’s possible that she’s been gone for TEN YEARS. Her death is a fracture in my life. There is a very clear before and after that everything falls into. As the years go by, I feel her slipping farther away, because she’s never been a part of MY world as it is today. She will never know my bffl-sis, my husband, my future child, or my step-children – oh how she would have spoiled them! So often STILL I scroll through my phone wanting to talk to someone – but the ONLY person I want to talk to cannot be found as a contact in my phone. I finally stopped dreaming that she suddenly was alive again, but it’s been too long since she’s visited my dreams. Sometimes I hear her in my voice and see her in my face. So the world keeps turning as the world does, even without her, my mother, mommy, Louise. Louise. I never say her name. Louise Hope Young. I wish that saying her name could bring her back to me – even for a small time. Today I feel the weight of 10 years, and it weighs a ton. Louise Hope Young 1/19/53-6/6/04 - I hope you found the peace in death that you never found in life.
Posted on: Fri, 06 Jun 2014 20:00:59 +0000
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