When someone is personally offended by someone elses religion, diet, exercise routine, Star wars vs. Star Trek preference, parenting, whatever, I see uncertainty. One of the most valuable things Ive learned when studying body image psychology is that people can only make you question things about yourself you are insecure about, and the things you hate the most from other people are usually the things you fear the most in yourself. You decide your worth and no one else can touch it. The following quote is about parenting but its the same story, different words. Our need for certainty in an endeavor as uncertain as raising children make explicit ‘how to parent’ strategies both seductive and dangerous. I say ‘dangerous’ because uncertainty often breeds absolutes, intolerance and judgment. That’s why parents are so critical of one another. We latch on to a method or approach and very quickly OUR way becomes THE way. When we obsess over our parenting choices to the extent that most of us do and then see someone else making different choices, we often see that difference as direct criticism of how we are parenting. Ironically, parenting is a shame and judgment mind field precisely because most of us are wading through uncertainty and self doubt when it comes to raising our children. After all we rarely engage in self righteous judgment when we feel confident about our decisions. I’m not going to practically knock myself unconscious from a shaming eye roll when you see my non-organic milk if I feel good about what I am feeding my children, but if doubt lurks beneath my choices, that self righteous critic with spring to life in not-so-subtle parenting moments that happen because my underlying fear of not being the perfect parent is driving my need to confirm that at the very least, I am better than you. Brené Brown
Posted on: Tue, 14 Oct 2014 00:02:18 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015