When we went to buy our car this week, my wife was like, “You should let me talk, because you are a horrible negotiator.” This is true; outside of fantasy baseball trades or PS3 FIFA 13 transfer negotiations (I don’t play FIFA 14 because their whole transfer thing is terrible), I am pretty bad because I just want what I want and I want the whole process over with. Also, when discussing price, I am prone to say things like “The most important things for me are my family’s safety and unnecessary luxury add-ons that I will never use” or “Do you have this in another color that is similar but more expensive, just so people will think I’m richer than I really am? Maybe one with, like, a glittery sheen or something?” or “Would it be ok if I just handed you some money? I mean, not related to this purchase. It just helps my self-esteem. I have very low self-esteem.” Well, earlier this week, my wife asked me if she could take our son on a short road trip this weekend to visit her friend, leaving me home alone all weekend. Repeat: she (!) asked (!!) me (!!!) if she could leave me at home all weekend, alone, with no child (!!!!). Are you kidding me??? Talk about horrible negotiating!!! “Uh, der, can I take Patrick away this weekend?” Um, YES YOU CAN! I AM TOTALLY FINE WITH THAT! Do you realize what I would give or pay to have a weekend at home alone? Baseline – we’re talking baseline – is approximately US$ 4,000,000. And you are willing to do this for nothing??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! (Although they will have the last laugh when I spend the weekend wandering around the house, shirtless, randomly walking in and out of rooms, talking to myself, and texting my wife, asking for pictures of my son. Between Philly being dead because everyone’s down the shore and my preference for air-conditioner interiors over non-air conditioned exteriors, it’s going to be a long, weird weekend.)
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 16:25:15 +0000
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