Why do I always sabotage any feeling of peace I attain? Q #957: Its almost as though I am my own worst enemy. After some upset happens, I find a place of peace. Then, almost immediately, I say something that completely obliterates any peaceful feelings. Am I supposed to try to get better at this, or just notice that I keep doing it and ask for a holy instant? Are these non-peaceful actions and words unavoidable, or are they proof that Im doing it wrong? I want this to be my last time here. This world seems very hard to me. A: You are not doing it wrong. While it may be unpleasant, the fact that you are noticing yourself quickly and consistently pushing away virtually all experiences of inner peace is actually very helpful. Developing this awareness is a critical part of progressing as a Course student. A Course in Miracles tells us that The ego will attack your motives as soon as they become clearly out of accord with its perception of you. This is when it will shift abruptly from suspiciousness to viciousness, since its uncertainty is increased (T.9.VII.4:6,7). In other words, whenever you have an experience of peace, the ego will sense that its days could be numbered and come roaring back, louder and more ruthless than ever. Thus, virtually anyone who honestly does what the Course asks will come to the realization that there is a part of his or her mind that does not want anything to do with the peace or Love of God. In an odd way then, you could feel reassured by what you have observed in yourself. Again, your awareness is a crucial step on the journey the Course asks us to take. Fortunately, the Course does not ask us to try to get better at this. Rather, it encourages us to ask Jesus or the Holy Spirit to help us simply watch without judgment everything we say and do. By simply watching ourselves through the eyes of a loving internal teacher, we can begin to see that our less-than-kind actions do not make us sinful, evil, or horrible -- they simply indicate that we are terrified. And being born of the guilt-inducing belief that we exist at Gods expense, our terror can only be healed through gentle forgiveness that gradually lets us know we are the maker of a world that is not so (T.25.IV.3:1) . Therefore, it is very helpful to discover that we truly are our own worst enemies. Only we have the power to seemingly cut ourselves off from Gods Love. But we also have the power to recognize that Gods Love has not gone anywhere and is still available to us whenever we are ready for it. And as we feel Gods Love more and more, we will come to know that this world is merely an element of our own misguided imaginings—not a place we need to escape from or worry about returning to. facimoutreach.org/qa/questions/questions193.htm#Q957
Posted on: Fri, 19 Sep 2014 12:18:51 +0000
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