Word for today: Jealousy This morning as I was perusing friends status updates I came across one from a friend that made me stop. Do I say I like this, or do I just blow by it because I’m a little jealous? As old as I am and as much as I have, I still can’t always make the little green monster of envy and jealousy completely disappear. I want my friends to be happy successful people, and if I get to hang out with awesomeness maybe some of it will rub off on me. So why do I have these feelings when someone is better at something than I’ll ever be? What unsatisfied need is there inside of me that even hesitates when someone else makes it to the top? I’m human. That is all. There was a time when I could not always be happy for another’s success, I’ll admit it right now. It used to eat me alive that I was not given equal talent, looks or wealth. I could not take the high road, it was too steep, instead I’d secretly make lists of all the reasons they achieved something I wanted that verified it was a fluke. They lucked out and fell into the right place at the right time. Somehow that seemed to soothe my bruised ego. Friends who dated handsome guys, those who married and had kids so easily, those who were promoted over me, who became someone special before I had a chance to claim it for myself. It’s a pretty dismal way to look at the world to be honest, but for a long time I seemed destined to wallow in my own cesspool of jealousy, sure that one day I’d be able to show everyone that I was the coolest, that I was the one to know. Then one day I realized several important things, if not at once then in close succession. A. I cannot be good at everything. I need to choose the things I want and make them a priority. The rest may never happen and that is okay. Leaving those mountains for others to summit does not diminish my life one iota. B. No one lives a perfect life. We all leave things undone, unrealized, half baked. The best I’m going to do is find a few things that make me happy and for which I feel a calling. Let go of the rest. C. Life is amazingly short. And when I say amazingly short I mean some days it feels like a blink of an eye from one New Year to the next. There is no time to be great at everything. The clock will always tick faster than I can run to stay ahead of the passage of time. D. If I say I love someone, I have an obligation to set aside my own issues when it comes to celebrating their achievements. Nick and I never had children and for a while it was difficult to understand why some were so fortunate and we were denied. But I’ve realized that celebrating their fantastic life moment can be very fulfilling. I want all of their children to be a blessing to them. I want them all to be happy healthy kids. That trumps everything. E. Life is not fair. It never will be so get over it already. I’ll never be a broadway star. But I can be a lot of great things that suit my given talents. F. The illusion appears to be they were given something I was denied. But in most cases ( except perhaps winning the lottery) they worked harder than I ever did to get there. They gave it their all. They committed 1000% whereas I did a lot of wishing. There is no substitute for hard work. No wishing will make it so. G. Sometimes it really is who you know. When this happens, refer to E listed above. H. God loves me completely regardless. So do my Mom and Dad and Husband, so right there I’m the lucky one. Everything else is gravy. To my friends who have achieved much I say “WELL DONE!” in spite of a wee bit of envy. I have my own successes to cherish and it means the world to me when it’s recognized, even though I always feel a little awkward accepting the praise. If I want it on my end when I reached a goal I’ve worked on for a long time and put my heart into, I cannot honestly deny it to someone else when they find themselves in a dream moment of their own. If I love them, I celebrate their successes as much as I hold hands when life deals a less promising hand. My own jealousies can serve to either motivate me to follow them and put my best effort forward, or I can release the envy and realize they deserve the accolades. God has a plan for all of us, a way to reach deep and find our place in this world. To say that someone who connected with a happy place, a successful place by accident is equivalent to saying God is only there for me and my own success. There are many paths to Glory and I cannot take them all. But on the last day I hope to find we’ve all found our way back to the place of eternal blessings by whatever path was the right one for each. I only need to be successful at finding my own way. I wish smooth sailing for those who take another route home.
Posted on: Sun, 15 Sep 2013 22:06:19 +0000
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