Wow. Talk about not feeling it today. I’m not feeling it AT ALL. See that’s the damn thing about being bipolar. Everyone has ups and downs but when you are bipolar the ups are ridiculous and the downs, well I can’t do justice to them. Down is DOWN. I’m not exactly DOWN but I’m certainly out of my groove and it’s messing with my head this morning. My knee is killing me. I have no choice but to keep going. Of course everyone has an opinion on my knee and knee pain. Whatever. You know what they say about opinions. I’ve noticed opinions are really being treated like facts lately. It’s really bothering me but there isn’t much I can do about it. My opinion is just that…an opinion. So is yours. Just because you or I think something doesn’t make it right. I may be right and you may be right but people have the right to express their opinions without always being made to feel like a fool. It’s funny how yesterday’s game brought out the ugliest people. AGAIN. I hate to break it to the Packer fans and Cowboy haters but I got to wake up this morning and this amazing thing happened…I am still me. Still crazy, still have the same worries and none of it has to do with the game yesterday. Oh how I wish that a team that a team winning a game would erase my problems and give me more self-worth. But alas that won’t happen. Especially a team that I absolutely nothing to do with. I can wear a t-shirt and even go to a game but it doesn’t make me part of the team. But guess what??? I am still the proud father of my amazing daughters and the husband of a fantastic woman. So there is that. Now maybe all of the above is my opinion and you do get your self-worth from a football game or other sporting event. Maybe you’re an Oregon or Tosu fan and you think tomorrow all of your problems will be solved. They won’t. If you go to the game you will have good memories. Hopefully. Don’t worry Oregon fans (like any are reading this) but the buckeye fans will try to ensure your misery. But fret not, I think the Ducks win going away. They aren’t the best losers and I guess we shall see what kind of winners the Ducks are. Couches will most likely be burning in Columbus tonight. Ouch. Again, I know some of you HATE when I write about sports. Well, all I can say is, it’s my world. I like football. Would you like me to write about recruiting???? I doubt it. I’m actually not writing about football but behavior. Sports have a way of showing our true colors in victory and defeat. And the funny thing is that 99.9% of the time it’s not us who is victorious or defeated but a team or school that we like and somehow are affiliated with. We don’t get rings. If that were the case I would be recognized every year for my unwavering support of my beloved Longhorns. I liked them before they were cool and always will. But that’s not the point. It has to do with how people act. People call each other names and spew hatred. Glad that our priorities are in place. I’m not saying I don’t get upset in the privacy of my own home. However, I do TRY to handle myself with class AT the games, win or lose. I always try to put it in perspective. If I thought for a minute that something could change things then I guess I would understand. But of course I know that making someone feel bad isn’t going to miraculously make myself feel better. It may make me a total jerk, but it sure won’t make me feel any better. Why kick someone when they are down? You know the thing about it is that they tend to kick back. In the end is worth making people feel bad over stupid things? Like last week when EVERYONE started telling everyone just how STUPID others were for posting the FB privacy hoax. Did it really bother you that much? I’m not talking about those of you who just posted a link. I’m referring to those who posted a link and had some snide remarks to go with it. And for those that commented on mine it was totally fine. No need to apologize. I gave it about 2 seconds thought and then forgot all about it. It was not my mission that day. I mean really. And people post where they are, what they are doing, eating, playing, thinking, wearing and any and everything else on your timeline and some got upset over that???? Really??? That put people over the edge???? Okay. Again, glad our priorities are straight. The meanness is getting to me. I try to treat everyone nice and yet I cannot seem to please most people. I really can only please myself and worry about pleasing my family. I’ve been more present and I’m trying to enjoy my life. I guess I’m just saying I’m tired. I will write until I don’t want to. If it gets too much then I will go away. As I am fond of saying, FB doesn’t need me and I sure don’t need FB. Those who are my FB friends notice I rarely post on my personal profile page???? I post on here because it is MY page. I do like people to see my posts. And I don’t need a lecture either. I don’t like lectures unless I’m sitting in class. I have a lot in front of me this coming year and I am hoping to come out the other side intact and ready to continue to face the daily challenges of my illness. It is a daily challenge and THAT is what I’m focused on. I want my Horns to win. I want my Cowboys and Spurs to win. But you know what? Texas can never lose another game and it’s not going to change my life. I wish it would. But life just doesn’t work that way. I wish we could all get along and accept that not everyone thinks the same. I know many don’t share my Christian beliefs. Okay. I can only try to live my life in a way to set a good example. And I haven’t done that in so long that it’s almost comical for me to write that. BUT, if I can change then maybe it’s worth taking notice. And if it still doesn’t matter then it’s not like I’m not going to not be your friend if you don’t agree with me. The only people I stay away from are those that think they are so right that they are mean about everything. You are still a human. We all are. We all go through things and some are better equipped than others for each day. Worry about those who have trouble getting through the normal day. Stop trying to belittle people’s beliefs to make yourself feel better. I used to do that and it never once made me feel any better. It just made me a jackass and made me feel worse about myself. I’m going to shut up now. I’ve been too preachy today and I don’t like that. I already feel bad enough about myself so I don’t’ feel I should ever say anything. Therefore I believe I’ve written too much. I will have people argue with me over this and criticize me. I’ve gotten used to the subtle criticism. But either I write or I don’t. The only agenda I have is mental health awareness. Now I don’t know if what many of you can correlate what I wrote today with mental health awareness but EVERYTHING I write does that. I’m bipolar. And I guess you would say severely so. So whatever. It just pours out anyway. I will be fine. I’m going to MAKE myself go run today. I don’t want to get out. This is where I know if I’m making progress in my everlasting fight for stability. When I get out when I don’t’ want to. And for most people you will never understand how hard it is to walk out the front door. That is the difference that the “normal” person can never understand. Until it affects you and then WOW…talk about a life changer. And odds are mental illness will affect you in some way, be it you or a family member or friend. But of course you can just play it off it it’s a friend. But a close family member??? Well if you hang in there I have more respect for you than pretty much anyone I can think of. What a crappy thing to have happen and to fight with someone when you can walk away…well that is love. Okay, well thanks for reading or not reading. On the bright side reading is good for the brain. On the bad side I doubt I made any sense. I always think I don’t. I don’t really care anymore. I just write and post. Now I need one more cup of coffee and I’m off to prepare to run and then run. Have a nice day.
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 18:05:16 +0000
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