Writing Experiment Day 7/7. ------ A TALE OF LOVE AND SKIN RASHES ON THIS SOLSTICE DAY Heres a very true story for you. My husbands been away for the past 10 days or so. I asked him if he could “leave” for a few weeks to give me some space and time to work on my projects and have a quiet house for filming some video for my future offerings in 2015. He and I have kept in contact, but we don’t have that thing were we think: “he/she better call me to show that he/she cares” We don’t do that shit. If we talk we talk. TODAY, WINTER SOLSTICE, IS OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY Three years ago today we married in a small bistro in Whistler with my parents and a handful of friends. The morning of, I didnt even have a skirt to wear. No flowers were ordered. No dinner plans made. You see, at that point in our relationship I was very very unwell. REWIND ONE YEAR FROM OUR WEDDING DAY… In the summer/fall of 2010, an overzealous *me* did a little too much digging into my body demons and gremlins while in my trauma training (training to become a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner). I jammed pack too many trainings that brought up old anesthesia events (like 5!) and other less than fun emotional histories of the past. The by-product of this A+ effort, was a skin rash that overtook me slowly for what will probably be the most two challenging years of my life. The rash that didn’t resemble eczema, or psoriasis, or an infection, but was just awful (and no one could figure out), started on my arms and spread to cover my entire front side, backside, arms, hands, neck and towards the final awful months my thighs and scalp. Yuk. There was a point in this two year span wherein I didn’t really sleep for six full months. The pain and burning was too intense. I couldn’t even help out by putting dishes away in our kitchen because the movement of blood under my skin burned. There were definitely many moments, most likely hundreds when I just wanted it to end. I experienced despair in it most truest form. (There is a much longer article to write about how I figured this out and healed...but it goes beyond the scope of what I want to express today on my wedding anniversary.) Blessed be the fact that now, Im healthier and happier than ever. My body is resilient, my mind sharp and focused. The demons and gremlins Ive successfully exterminated. THOSE TWO YEARS WERE A HORRENDOUS AND BLESSED TIME. Horrendous because of what I’ve already shared. Blessed because I met my husband, Seth, at the one month point of this upward eruption. When we met, I was so afraid that if he saw my skin that hed think I was hideous and gross and a leper - but he didnt. (Tears still come to my eyes when I feel into this…) He loved me. Took care of me. He had to help bathe me and scrub dead skin in ways that I can’t even describe. Listen to me scream and cry and pray for it to stop burning. He helped with ointments and salves and was subjected to awful smells of Chinese herbs and the by-products that my intestines would later release! Im still not sure how he kept his arousal and desire for me in this tumultuous time. But he did. Our starting point was what a couple might live through when old, shrivelled and dying of cancer kind of stuff, or an illness that hits when the immune system has had enough living. But as we know, even the young can succumb to a weakened and pissed off immune system. Luckily I had support and love and care and saw this time in my life as very important lesson in LIFE. I could have easily felt guilty for all that he did and he could have been disgusted by my physical state. But I didnt. And he didnt. We got through it. BACK TO THE PRESENT MOMENT So back to today..... I called him to ask him something trivial regarding formatting a PDF that he is helping me with, and we started to talk about that, and just daily stuff…. and it wasnt until about seven minutes in that he said, Oh shit, happy anniversary! We almost forgot! I LOVE THIS. There is no pressure to remember important dates because EVERY day is important. We dont exchange gifts at our birthdays or Christmas. We just take care of each other each day. Sometimes I think we replace love with obligation and what “one is suppose to do. (and we wonder why we are so miserable?) Sometimes I think we delude ourselves into wishing for a reality that we don’t even want. For me, for us, love is support and following what our impulses require and desire as the days, months and years go by. Today on the phone we briefly reminisced about our wedding day. After the ceremony at the bistro, I was so tired that I went home and slept for 7 hours. No post-wedding consummation or dancing or photographs. We did have cake (I think?). We have one photograph from that day that my dad took. Flowers were bought by my dear friend Kira 30 minutes before. We had dinner at the same restaurant that night. The skirt that I did end up wearing, an old Lululemon top that my friend Christine made from an old tube shirt (I think?) of hers is now in a plastic bag in my car ready to go to the local thrift store. There you go. The days only get longer from here on... Thats my tale of love on this Solstice day. Irene. xo PS. Two teaching points Id for you to learn from this story is this: 1) GO SLOW when healing. 2) And, if your partner cant stand the more disgusting and REAL elements that all humans have to live with from time to time, get rid of them. If you dont, you wont heal. (Seth Lyon, Jenn Strom, Christine Harrison, Ed Dangerfield, Kelly Oswald, Kira Cailes, DArcy McLeish. You were all there that day! xo).
Posted on: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 03:57:31 +0000
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