YOUR ALIENATOR THINKS ABOUT YOU MORE THAN YOU THINK. THE THOUGHT PROCESS! EXAMPLES… (T.P. = Target Parent / A.P= Alienating Parent or Person) 1. T.P: “ I AM HAPPY TODAY” = A.P.: “ NOT FOR LONG” ; “HE/SHE DOESN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE KIDS”, “ THAT IS A LIE HE OR SHE IS MISERABLE AND TRYING TO MAKE (ME) THINK OTHERWISE” , “TIME TO MAKE HIM/HER MISERABLE AGAIN” 2. T.P: “I WISH I COULD TELL MY KIDS THE TRUTH” = A.P.: “LIAR”, “THE TRUTH IS THAT I WON FOR A REASON”, “I AM NOT GOING TO LET THA HAPPEN”; “TRUTH ABOUT WHAT?”; “THE TRUTH IS MY TRUTH” “HE OR SHE BETTER NOT MESS WITH ME”; “NEED TO STEP UP MY GAME” 3. T.P: “I AM SO SAD AND MISSING MY CHILDREN” = A.P: “HE/SHE DESEVES IT”; “I AM SO GLAD HE/SHE IS HURTING”; “ HE/SHE HASN’T SEEN ANYTHING YET” ; “ I HAVE THE POWER TO DO THIS AND I LIKE IT” 4. T.P.: “MY CHILD CONTACTED ME AND WANTS TO SEE ME”: = A.P.: “HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?”; “THE KID IS IN BIG TROUBLE FOR BEING DISLOYAL TO ME”; “I NEED TO NIP THIS IN THE BUD AT ANY COST”; “NO MY CHILD DOESN’T” 5. T.P: “ I HAVE NOT BEEN ALLOWED MY VISITS OR HEARD FROM MY CHILDREN AND I AM WORRIED” = A.P.: “ I WILL HAVE THE KIDS CALL AND ASK WHY HE/SHE HAS NOT TRIED TO CALL EVEN THOUGH HE/SHE HAS SO I LOOK GOOD TO MY KIDS AND OTHERS”; “ YEAH RIGHT!”; “HE OR SHE IS LYING ABOUT ME AGAIN”; “ I WILL SAY HE/SHE WAS ABUSING THEM”, “ I WILL HAVE THE KIDS SAY THEY DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM/HER”; “ I WILL FILE AN ABUSE PROVENTION ORDER” ; “ I HAVE TO PROTECT MY POSITION W/ THE COURT AT ALL COSTS”, “ I WILL TELL THE DOCTOR THAT THEY CAME TO ME WITH INJURIES THE LAST TIME THERE FOR A VISIT”; “ I WILL CONVINCE THE CHILDREN THAT XYZ HAPPENED” 6. T.P.: “ I WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND THEY THINK I MAY HAVE A SERIOUS ILLNESS” = A.P.: “LIAR” “ I HOPE HE OR SHE DOES”; “ HE OR SHE WANTS ME TO FEEL BAD FOR HIM/HER”; “ JUST TRYING TO GET ME TO LET HIM/HER SEE THE KIDS” 7. T.P.: “I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT MY FRIENDS HAVE GIVEN ME LATELY” = A.P.: “FOR WHAT?”; “WHAT IS HE OR SAYING TO OTHERS ABOUT ME?”; “ HE/SHE IS LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY AGAIN” ; “HE/SHE DESERVES THIS”; “NO ONE CARES ABOUT HIM/HER” “ I KNOW THIS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH ME” 8. T.P.: “I GOT THE JOB” = A.P.: =“I NEED TO FIND OUT IF HE/SHE IS MAKING MORE MONEY”; “I NEED TO CALL MY LAYWER”; “THERE IS NO WAY, I AM GOING TO SEE HIM/HER FINANCIALLY BETTER OFF”; “I HAVE CUSTODY AND THAT IS MY MONEY AND I WILL GET BACK SUPPORT”; “I HOPE HE OR SHE HAS TO RELOCATE SO I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM/HER” 9: T.P.: “ I GOT LAID OFF” = A.P.: “ WELL, HE/SHE BETTER STILL PAY ME OR NO VISITS”, “ HE OR SHE QUIT TO PLACE FINANCIAL BURDERN ON ME OR TO GET SUPPORT LOWERED”; “ I WILL ACCUSE HIM/HER OF SOMETHING IF HE/SHE DOESN’T PAY ME OR GET A NEW JOB FAST” 10: T.P.: I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE: = A.P. “I WILL MAKE SURE THAT DOES NOT LAST”; “HE OR SHE STILL WANT’S ME” ; “MY KIDS WON’T BE GOING THERE ANYMORE” ; “ I THINK I WILL MARRY MY NEW GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND SO HE/ SHE GETS UPSET”; “HE OR SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO BE HAPPY IF I AM NOT”; “ HE OR SHE DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR THE KIDS, I WILL FILE ABANDONMENT” ; “ I WILL STEP UP MY PRESENCE IN HIS/HER LIFE AND ENSURE MY POSITION” • SHORT LIST OF ANY NUMBER OF VARIABLES AND HOW AN ALIENATOR PERCEIVES THE ACTIONS OR WORDS OF THE TARGET PARENT. NOTE: NOT ONCE IS THE FIST THOUGHT ABOUT THE CHILD OR CHILDREN. WITH ALIENATORS IT IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS TURNED INTO “I” OR “ME” OR “MY”; NEVER WITH HOW THE NORMAL LIFE CHANGES OF THE OTHER PARENT TRULY DO OR DO NOT AFFECT THE CHID OR CHILDREN JUST THE ALIENATOR!. ALL THINGS TO DO WITH THE TARGETED PARENT HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS PERSON EVEN WHEN IN REALITY IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. MORE IMPORTANTLY THE CHILDREN. SADLY IT WILL BE MADE ABOUT THE CHILD/CHILDREN TO MAINTAIN CONTROL OF A SITUATION THAT IS A PERCEIVED THREAT EVEN WHEN THERE IS NONE. SIMPLE STATEMENTS OR LIFE EVENTS ARE MADE OUT TO BE MORE OR LESS THAN WHAT THEY ARE AND THE ALIENATOR WILL TRY TO ENSURE THAT THE FOCUS OF ATTENTION AND VICTIM STATUS REMIANS IN TACT. ONE UPPING IS A NEED AS IS CONTROL AND IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THIS MENTALITY IS “NOT”; THE THOUGHT PATTERN OF A RATIONAL PERSON AND YOU CAN NOT TRY TO REASON WHITH THEM. WHEN YOU STOP EXPECTING AN A.P. TO ACT AS A SANE INDIVIDUAL YOU WILL SAVE YOURSELF A LOT OF OVER THINKING OR UNDER ESTIMATING THE DANGER THAT IS POSED BY ANGERING THEM. SET BOUNDARIES AND STICK TO THEM WITHOUT AGGREVATING THE SITUATION! THE MORE YOU REACT TO THEM, THE MORE CONTROL THEY WILL RETAIN. S. Lombard- Elmore©
Posted on: Wed, 02 Oct 2013 02:32:49 +0000
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