Ya know nothing is any different this week than it was a week or a month ago. Just my head. If anyone were as mean to my loved ones as I am to myself ..... Id punch Em in the face!!! Its outta control. Nothing I do is enough. Im not enough. The work Ive done isnt enough ...I dont have enough $$ , I cant loose enough weight, my hair isnt blonde enough, I live in the wrong place, work at the wrong job, drive the wrong car .....I should be further along etc etc etc. So much that I almost cant breathe. I even got a resentment at a paramedic driving home on the fwy. There was some poor man in the back I could see in the window he had tubes down his throat and the medics were laughing having a jolly old time while this fella is in a serious way! !! But I caught myself. No!!! God showed me how I was wrong. I realized my job wasnt to judge. It was to pray. So I did. For all of them. Then I realized how much I have to be grateful for!!!! And to be kinder to myself. How can I be kind to others if I cant practice it with myself. To have faith & acceptance that God always provides for me...In lessons & in grace. In all my needs. I came home & saw the clothes Id yet to put away & the stress returned...for a second. Cuz am I really going beat my self up over laundry. Yes. Lol so I put them awsy. Did my 10th step. Read on self hatred ...STEP 7 out of bible. Went to God w a humble heart in prayer. And I feel a lot better. I know my family wont understand most of this post. But I know those of you who will get it. Youve been there &I am not alone.
Posted on: Thu, 04 Sep 2014 04:00:35 +0000
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