Yeah so-- my mind broke, I felt disturbed, turned inside out, torn - TopicsExpress

Yeah so-- my mind broke, I felt disturbed, turned inside out, torn apart. My mind was beating down on me etc. It was all years and years worth of abuse, I stood back from. I felt threatened, scared, idk what to say or do about, my mind broke. -it is shocking- it was I couldnt dismiss all the things they said, I had no confidence, or security to dismiss it. -I was going around and around, until, I made some better decisions, I started sleeping, exercise, eating, I didnt feel mentally well, until I got far enough away from where I was to not be disturbed by it, disgusted, etc. -Then I remembered, the difference was I felt secure w who i was, my future, I felt able to understand the environment I was in, what are ppl are saying (i did develop a lot on how ill be able to protect myself.) I gave myself an end point, to go from here forward. I never have to go back. So its, I learned so much, I dont have anything behind my mind. I am writing, I took a bath, wwnt out, I have my same mind I had before the break, w o all the strange fears, etc. Behind my mind i had growing up my whole life. Its I dont expect to ever think of it, or fall back down w it, its not who I am. It is shocking. It is so different, then a clear, rational, mellow mind under so much pressure, fear, stress, threats, abuse. I never have to go through that again, atleast I feel confident the chances are slim.

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