Yes, I did install a hair-trigger on the trebuchet. Yes, I did invite a few people out to make room for others. Yes, you can accuse me of getting rid of people who disagree with me -- it wont be accurate, but feel free to make the accusation anyway. I follow the living room rule. If youre rude to me in my living room, I invite you to leave. If you start off trying to school me on my behavior, you will find yourself on the other side of the door very fast. Not because my behavior is perfect, it sure as hell isnt -- the dog likes me anyway -- but because until your Drivers License identifies you as one of the fourteen promised Buddhas, you arent qualified to school me on how to be enlightened. Im on that journey myself. Im not yet the grumpy Buddha, but thats my career goal. Yesterday, I was at a party filled with people whose company I love and enjoy and feel comfortable with. Ive known one of those friends since 1964, many of the others since the late 60s or early 70s, and most of the rest for so long I couldnt say when we met. It was a gathering of people whove known each other long enough or well enough that just about anything could be said with candor and affection without risk of misunderstanding or damage to the relationship. At one point, I and someone I love very much, were teasing each other about how awful it would to work together, wed have to email each other because we wouldnt want to be in the same room for more than thirty seconds -- a bystander would have assumed a feud, anyone who knew the both of us would have recognized just how much love there was in that exchange. (We are a very strange species, yes.) A stranger or a casual acquaintance would not have that same privilege of familiarity. Likewise, if one of my long-time friends wanted to take me aside and tell me to STFU or that I owed an apology to someone, I would listen very hard. Id grow more ears to make sure I was listening accurately because thats how much my friends mean to me. Likewise, if a casual acquaintance assumes the right to school me on anything, without first having demonstrated some qualification for that -- no. We dont have that relationship, we dont have that agreement, we dont have that contract. If I sign up for your course in how to be a better human being, then you can tell me Im an asshole, but not until Ive granted you that permission. (By the same token, Im not your coach until you ask me to be. If I share stuff, its not for you -- its for me, Im working it out in words, because the book, the thought, the insight, doesnt exist until you make it real and you make it real by typing it onto the page/screen.) I am not on Facebook because I want arguments. I dont. Theyre a waste of time. Im not on Facebook for connection, for research, for sharing, for giggles, for insight. I dont discuss things to find out whos right. I discuss things to find out WHATs right. So the minute it devolves into something personal -- something characterized by useless ad hominem remarks, criticisms, or negativity -- I dont even think about it anymore. I punch the big red button. And I say, Thanks for making room for someone else. (Yes, some people get second chances, because theyve earned them one way or another.) Theres a point that was made in one of the courses I did -- its an easily misunderstood distinction, so I rarely repeat it, but its really at the core of the whole idea of personal responsibility. Assume, for the sake of discussion, that personal responsibility is not about blame, shame, burden or guilt. Its about being the source of your choices, the source of your actions, the source of your interpretations, the source of your conversations, the source of the story you live inside of. You get to be the one who creates it. You can create yourself as the hero of a story where you are the misunderstood, under-appreciated, unloved, victim of circumstance -- or you can create yourself as the hero of your own personal movie where you are the heroic stand for truth, justice, and a large slice of apple pie, dealing with the minutiae of daily life because they can be challenges even more frustrating and difficult than simply fighting off the nefarious crimes of the arch-villain, The Punster. In that story, you can be the defender of children, the creator of love, the builder of sandwiches, and the one who saves puppies. Thats a great story too. The point is that, if you accept that view of personal responsibility -- you are the source -- then in effect, you become the god in the center of your own universe. In fact, you already are -- but maybe youve ceded that responsibility by giving away your power to the circumstances that have been thrown at you. Over here, as the driver of this particular collection of meat and bones, Ive decided that life is too short for bullshit. I do not have to deal with anything I choose not to. This isnt good or bad, right or wrong, nice or rude, its simply me making choices about what I want to deal with. Yes, I want to watch Doctor Who, no I dont want to watch Farscape. My choice. You have the right to make your own choices too. I dont get to judge you. And by that same token ... you can finish that sentence yourself. None of this is intended as explanation or justification. Its mostly me sharing the thought processes that go on over here. Its the long version of me saying when people start biting each other, one gets food poisoning, the gets rabies. Its not worth it.
Posted on: Sun, 20 Jul 2014 18:21:22 +0000
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