Yes, people in power will use their prejudices to discriminate against others -- but people who do not have power have prejudices too, and they do find ways to express them. We have to recognize that prejudice, bias, judgmental behavior (regardless of power) is a natural condition of human beings -- a condition that we can only overcome with thoughtful, empathic, compassionate, responsible communication that allows and encourages a mutual recognition of each others humanity. Approaching anyone on any side of the issue with blame -- with a youre wrong and heres why attitude -- guarantees one thing, a near certain unwillingness to listen. If you want people to listen, you have to acknowledge their ability to contribute. I learned this the hard way. About ten years ago, I was working through a series of courses. I had quietly reached every single goal of the course and surpassed every goal, including raising more money for our charity than everyone else combined. During the feedback session, when it was my turn at the front of the room, not a single one of my accomplishments was acknowledged -- only my failure to connect with the rest of the team. (The rest of the team was in their twenties and thirties. I was in my sixties. Despite my willingness to be available and open to all of them, the age gap was there -- something the course leaders failed to recognize and address.) Now, I wasnt averse to hearing what stuff I still needed to work on -- but in the course of the process, every other team member got acknowledged for the little bit they had accomplished as well as what they needed to work on. No one acknowledged anything I had accomplished, so I felt cheated. And I left that program. Only a personal phone call from the head of the company brought me back. And that was only after one of the trainers ripped him a new one, pointing out that based on the evidence I was an asset he couldnt afford to lose. I came back and demonstrated my commitment by producing even greater contributions -- whether or not the rest of the team was able to recognize them. One of the things that I did get out of that exercise (and several similar opportunities) was that I do not always connect easily or closely with people. I have a hunch why, but thats a subject for another time. But I also got it that when I commit to a result, the result becomes inevitable. Twenty-two years ago, I committed to the well-being of a little boy. Today, hes a grown man and Im very proud of him, so I have the evidence to back up my assertion. Now, coming back to where I started -- you will also find that I can be a pretty good listener. Just dont come at me with the assumption that Im wrong. When you do that, you are wasting the opportunity to find out what an ally I can be. And -- speaking from personal experience, learned the hard way -- when you treat everybody as a potential ally, you get more results that way.
Posted on: Mon, 26 May 2014 06:43:41 +0000
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