Yesterday qualified as one the sketchiest days ever - here are the lowlights: 1) I sat next to a hideous man on the Tube whose British accent was so incredibly hot, that, for a moment, I contemplated the unthinkable. Teeth. Do. Matter. 2) I was drinking a Pimms w/ lemonade at a drink stand when Ilie Nastase randomly walked by - he looks like Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men. 3) I met a dude from Ana Ivanovics coaching team - shortly thereafter, she lost her match against Sabine Lisicki. 4) I walked through East London to the Rough Trade shop and thought that I was in NE Washington DC in the late 80s. 5) Upon arrival at Rough Trade, ran into Lee, a shit-faced Lithuanian version of Jabba the Hut and a dude named Matt Johnson. 6) Lesson learned: Overnight bags should be discarded the next morning, regardless of contents. That bag caused the return trip to Nicks flat in Stevenage to take three hours. 7) Fact: The UK Internal Revenue agency owns a crackhouse. 8) A female hooker offered herself to Lee and me. We said no, and when she then proceeded to adjust her thong in her asscrack while looking back at us and smiling, I swear I saw a fly crawl out. 9) Theres a homeless woman from Kazakhstan randomly riding the tube in East London with a bicycle, a large bag and a functioning electronic device that looks like a detonator. 10) The Stevenage police station is a apparently a subsidiary of MapQuest - you can stop in, press a green button on the wall and get directions anywhere from a random woman who lives ten miles away.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Jul 2014 14:36:44 +0000
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