Yet a very different day sweet tender and spiked with a very warm sadness of a cleansing quality when the old goes its always connected with a bit of sadness but I truly Loved every tear of it . So enjoyed having SAM on my side his warm and comforting spirit lets me fall all the way into a very intimate moment with myself, we spend most of the day laying in front of the fan on the floor looking in each others eyes.And that reminded me so much of how easy Love seamed when I first discovered it,and how much I still would love it to be that easy and care free.It feels like I made a very long and hard journey just to end up at exactly the at the same place except not really because then I really thought there was more to find and now I know there isent. When I was 13 I saw my 2 second Boyfriend at a Demonstration in a big crowed , and fell in love something about him I found so attractive.After the Demonstration some Friends and I went to a pub and one of my Friends Ralph and I found our self left at the table. Ralph like most of my Friends at that time was much older then I he was 21 .I trusted Ralph with my heart, he was a very gentle quiet spirit that really liked me, in my excitement I started to tell him that I had fallen in Love that very day he wanted to know who it was, and I described him as good as I could ,and since I watched every move he made I guess I was good, because Ralph knew right away who I meant, he told me his name and that he knew where he lived.I asked him if he could somehow bring as together, he looked at me for just a moment reached in the pocket of his jeans , and pulled out a little bronze stature of a worrier on a Leather string. Then he started to tell me in his soft but certain kind of way listen now girl you are a worrier and he put the string around my neck, this will remind you of the strengths you have, you dont need me to do anything for you, you will go to his house and meet him. I scramble but what will I say, he replied just say hello, and see what followers,but what if me he asked me why I am there, well you tell him you like to meet him, and then shut up.I was absolutely terrified and thought about it for a moment, Ralph kept looking at me watching me in my fear then he said you know what makes you a worrier ,I had no idea dident even no I was one, he said a worrier experiences fear just like everyone else, but he still goes ahead and does what he set out to do, he will not be stopped by his fear.Somehow that made sense to me,I said ok I will go I will go now Ralph gave me one of his warm and kind smiles he kissed my forehead ,and told me one more time remember you dont need to explain anything just say hello, and let everything fall in place.It took me about 15 minute to walk to andreas door I saw light inside his apartment gripping the warrior very tied I rang the doorbell my heart pounding,he opened the door and I said hello he smiled and said hello and so we stood looking at each other, in some strange way his smile put me at easy, and I relaxed and dident say anything,he brook the silence and said would you like to come in, and have some tea.He showed me into his room there where pillows on the floor around a very low table candles light and a cello in the corner.He left for the kitchen and made some herbal tea,when he returned we sat on the pillows on the floor sipping tea and looking into each others eyes for hours, we never spoke on word but we did move very close at on point, the longer we looked into each others eyes the more familiar we became we smiled and we cried. At some point he reached for my hand and I could feel the heat of energies flowing through the palm of our hands.The only words that where spoken between us where when he brought me to the door, and after a warm embrace he said, will you come back tomorrow I nodded and left.On my way home I felt as if the heaven had opened and I was now walking on its roads well I was probably more flying, a strange sense came over me that this would some how effect the rest of my life,and did .Some how I understood Love was something that one could fear, and still go ahead to experience, the truth of it . Andreas and I spend 6 most amazing month together we did eventually talk a little more but never much, most of our communication was silent but most peculiar familiar. He played the cello for me and wrote me poems after 6 month he was ready for the next step, put I was to young so it ended in the same way it began, no word was spoken I just dident find myself ringing that doorbell anymore, two weeks later I walked by him on the street he had a women in his arm.I remember not feeling sad but strangely fulfilled and happy for him, we just smiled and nodded as we past each other we dident even stop to greed one another no need we knew each other in the silence..
Posted on: Tue, 03 Jun 2014 03:25:40 +0000
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