You know something everyone? I have lost all idea of what family I supposed to be. I dont think its as real I as I was told it was while growing up. Its primarily because of family that I have gone through a lot unnecessary events. I thought family was supposed to be there for comfort and understanding. I had a lot confront and exposure instead. Confronted by my sisters, outed to my mother by my third sister, and forced to stay somewhere I didnt want to. Today, I am reluctant to tell my family anything about what goes on with me, because I fear they will use what I say against me. A set up for failure, a secret ace in the hole. Families shouldnt do what mine have done to me. Im very sad and angry every day because of all the stuff I had to deal with. Im not saying I was the perfect child. Ive made mistakes and bad choices and have taken the equivalent repercussions for those mistakes. Its going to be a long time before I feel comfortable with talking to any blood relatives about my life. I cant do family. Not mine at least. Im better off alone somewhere. Every time I come near one of my relatives, an argument starts. I dont feel the love like I did as a child. I was naive of course, but thats different. All I ever hear from them is, Are you crazy? Something is really wrong with you. I dont understand you. Youre weak You need help. Why are you angry? You cant be angry. I have had better moments with a stranger than my own kin. Id rather spend the rest of my life getting to know a new person each day, than endure another 21 years getting my own family to be content with who I am and what I do and will do. No one hurts like family. Those wounds never heal. I will not forget and I most certainly will not forgive. It doesnt seem like the right thing to do.
Posted on: Thu, 16 Oct 2014 03:03:19 +0000
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