a day in this existence of my life: a friend & i went to a 60s theme wedding on wednesday. the table we were to sit at ended up being abandoned as we joined two friends we knew at the table beside. we arrived in time to eat really good food & listen to speeches. then it twas game time. the instructions were: look under your seat to find a picture. my instincts said: look at the table you were assigned to sit at naomi, the abandoned table &, guess what i found a picture. the friend who enviously wanted to win said, my instincts told me to look there. i said, your a cancer, u should listen to your instincts. my date, also found a picture. the prize was beautiful hand made intrinsically detailed bird houses. because the envious friend didnt win, she began whinning. my date with grace, love, compassion gave her birdhouse to her. there was confusion as to which birdhouse was on what table. the guest next to me, who gave me her windbreaker jacket to stay warm, says the one your holding is table 10, so its yours naomi. as i stared at the birdhouse, i noticed it was yellow (my fav color). there was a blue (kilayas fav color) butterfly. there was a pink butterfly (nayokis fav color). there was a falcon (nayoki). a raven (kilaya). kilaya was stomping through the house feb 2013 & i said, geez kilaya, what were u in ur past life? kilaya says: i was a butterfly, mama. we all laughed. as we understood why there was no sense of gravity. so ladies/gents: this birdhouse was meant was me. i was meant to win it. i was sharing this realization with everyone at our table. the artist came up to me & i shared with her too, she was so pleased. i was ecstatic! the instructions were: write ur name, phone & address on the bottom of the picture, paste it to your birdhouse & it will be mailed/hand delivered by the bride/ groom. i did just this. the envious women had her bf switch the pictures & the birdhouse i clearly won with messages/symbols from kilaya, she took home that very night. the bf is in his early 40s & this women is in her 50s. someone, ive been so kind & overly generous too. opened all aspects of my home always to them both. even offered my home so she could teach. the bfs lovely kids are always at my home. this women ive known the entire 6 years ive been on salt spring & good friends with her daughter. the bf, a little over 1.5 years. yesterday am, the bride came to rtn items she borrowed & she gave me a small box that had a birdhouse in it. i was so excited, i called nayoki & was ready to share it with kreuger. to then realize it was the wrong birdhouse. i called the bride. she said, women took a birdhouse that night when she was not suppose too. i was crushed. i texted the bf very politely & asked for the birdhouse back! no response for over three hours. i went wondering in the market & stumbled upon women. me: hey women the bride says u took my birdhouse home? women: i had bf change the picture & yes i maliciously took it home. you knew that was my seat & you purposely took my birdhouse. me: how was i too know that was ur seat? was your name written on it? do u not realize, my date/i arrived 2 hrs late, how was i to know any of that? women: naomi, your a spoilt brat. behaving like a diva. me: a diva i am. if i were a spoilt brat i would be with a billionare i dont love. shoppping & living in a new house & driving custom made cars every month as opposed to working my ass off for everything i need & want. women you are malicious, dirty, unkind, a liar, conniving, a kleptomanic, a cheater. it was a game i won fair & square. you have no grace. my date, gracefully with love & kindness gave u the birdhouse she clearly won. u are an underserving human being. you do not deserve to be a mother. what example are you setting for your chidren? i walked away in heated fury. but then the heartbreak kicked it quite quickly. i cried all day. my friend who witnessed it all, says: they have to live with themselves. do not take any of this personally. you were a punching bag, now move on. another friend says: naomi, perhaps she is jealous & intimidated by you. everything u need/want u attract it, u get. kilaya visiting u always possibly spooks her. another friend, shared some beautiful words of wisdom that calmed me a tad. i recd so much love except when i made the mistake to call home & share with nayokis dad. my need is too eliminate such energies out of my life heals me so fast & my need was rejected. he refused to beleive women/bf behaved this way. in his eyes everything was my fault. nayokis dad could careless about anyone but the bf is what was expressed to be of concerned & mentioned is still welcomed in our home. this is no surprise. nayokis dads friend hurt me so deeply in 2010 & i needed the same but this also was not at all honored. one or two of his female friend called me derogatory names & he still ventures in conversations with them. as i cried myself to sleep & pondered today in my bed, i realized the birdhouse was the created object needed to exist in the material realm to allow the universe the space to purge unnecessary draining toxic energies from this earthly journey. all, so i am to make room for beauty, for the wisdom i truly need to evolve spiritually. --- texts sent by bf/women (edited names): -i know u are hurting for kilaya but seeing her in every butterfly is not spiritually grounding nor reality. -to think that u treat friends over a lump of clay. you have a lot of healing and growing up to do girl. -you are really acting like a spirtually immature spolied brat. -you are like a 5 year old that throws a tantrum when they dont get what they want. -i am so sorry for u naomi. you need to get counseling. you must be really hurting inside. --- to some this is labeled as drama. to me: THIS is life. the label drama allows us to escape out of the experience versus into what the experience is meant to teach us. help us grow. all in all. this my fing god damn journey & how i deal with my dead daughter & where ever i see her is none of anyones fing business. piss off if u cannot accept my experience for what it is. piss off if you are unable to accept i see my children communicate to me in forms that do not resonate with your clouded ego. you WILL never know a mothers journey until you yourself experience your childs death from the physical.
Posted on: Sun, 27 Jul 2014 20:33:04 +0000
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