[a lot more global and the deliciousness of going slow] I had the pleasure of working with leaders in more than 8 businesses, teams and organizations this week, from near to me to all over the U.S. and Australia. Yes, our reach is pretty close to global... My conflict navigator heart, soul, living and (thank God) learning supports them in ways that are both patient and stop the wind powerful. A few moments out of the storm is often all we need to see the hazards (and a sweet and smart channel through) can be buoyed by what you already have to stop the fighting. All of these wonderful, bright, caring people deserved respect, and to be seen as able - full of savvy and strength. Even while dealing with the pain of unresolved (but they knew what should be resolvable) pain themselves, their own tools, love, and efforts were there but super tough problems, people, groups, and fallout from mean, disrespectful, crazy or chronic behavior...had them saying - it is hard. The system, the circumstance, the situation is bad enough - I want to seed the hurricane. Somehow, the tendency to judge, fail, fear and take wrong turns conflicted with their own courage, wisdom, bravery... But most of all the crazy limited capacity of the system, culture and support around them was failing others - and them. It had gone on too, too long. The limitations to feeling safe, supported or strategic enough for them were either situational or systemic: theyd (or others they cared about had) spent days, months or years in modes of suck it up, pass it over, avoid it or theres been no where to go even when they had been assertive and strong to date. Nowhere to go!???? It was true. When they looked for support, theyd been failed at turns....that only took them nowhere or made it worse. In these cases, they now felt forced to go forward. Somehow. They wanted to be ready. Often they wanted to be safe. Often they needed to be - or wanted to be - the grounded, respectful, more stable one. And the questions are the same... How to go forward now? Can you hear me? This will sound crazy. They want me to hear them say, I tried! I want to try. I want peace. I want to be good. A leader. A helper. A guide. A model. To use what I know and care is true. They want me to know the other person does, or will, see them as wrong, mean, bad, the demon, the incapable of seeing or of being right... And theyre not. They ask: How to define, outline, recognize what the problem has been (is it them, me, an ugh, a breech, a failing, illegal...crazy??? or not???). Is the other aware? The devil? For real? Are they enjoying the fight, the hurt, the situation. The drama? Cant they see it...that it isnt right, making it better, helpful? How to have that someone hear it, acknowledge it? That thing, what they believe, did or have is...wrong. How to address it appropriately, if the turn you might take makes it easier to just...wait. Avoid. Analyze. Lump. Smooth over. Think you - or they - are wrong. Wait for the storm to come - or break? How to describe what is observed, experienced, has shocked, confounded, frightened or angered? How to define a shift, a hope, a desire, accountability in a way that enables understanding and response, not reaction and fixing...not fighting? How to do this without breaking confidences, trust, agreements, contracts...or the bank? How to share the impact, the confusion, the pattern, the problem in a way that their only response is fairness, professionalism, inclusion, understanding and respect? How...where to find what may be there to confirm, support and inform? How to be clear, smart, sensitive and strong with boundaries that mean something; protection, comfort, safety, learning...but also care - or that its easier to just put the whole thing, them, behind you? How to ensure they, we trust, believe, have faith in what is built, fix what came before and deal with what we have now? >>> these days the most of what is reported is shocking. Extreme. And I wonder, what sustains that people who are conflicted wait so long? Why do we wait so long? But I know why. I know were dealing with these issues in every part of our lives: and dont know how to navigate them early, compassionately, directly and cleanly. The lessons on conflict out there are so negative, broken, foggy, polarizing, short-sighted, power-based and limited given what we see are too often exposed to in the media, law, schools, management, policing, social services, information systems, leadership, governing...is and gets so raw, real, disrespectful. A doubting mind says no... And navigating that can use all the support you can get. Much of what happened this week to find peace only required a step, a stop, for recognition... A sweet, slow pace to be meditative, right, stable, contemplative, reflective and gently analytical. To make the right turn, in the right way, to engage with grace, to adapt with compassion, clarity and care...to learn. We have a more respectful world today given the work we did this week...cant wait to do more! Are you ready?
Posted on: Sat, 22 Nov 2014 20:54:21 +0000
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