a year ago today my mother left this world for the next. this year i am beginning a memorial tradition. i am posting here the eulogy i delivered at her memorial mass. still after the dozen or so times that i have revisited these words they bring me to tears. as i remember my mother today, i am asking all of you, my Facebook friends and family, those of you i know, and even those i do not… please, when you read this eulogy today, take a moment to thank heaven for your mothers. most people have one woman they call mother. i was blessed with three. rita, whose eulogy follows, and for whom this memorial is being posted was my Mom. there was also Abby, mother to my lovely sister, Dulcenella D. Cabus, and wife to my father. Abby left this world just over two years ago. last to mention, but first to my life is the woman who brought me into this world, dear Nancy Sherman. Thankfully Nancy is still with us, and to her not only do i give all the love and respect she is due, but an immense amount of gratitude, not only for giving me life, but for having the grace to share me with the two sainted women who have gone before her. Lucky me, to have had the love of these three. to you, mom…. whatever heaven is up there, i know you have found it. i hope the last year there has been joyous for you… i hope you have found great happiness and been able to locate everyone you want to see…. grandma, grandpa… dad, tommy, van, monica, aunt rose, louise (she followed you three weeks later…. ) oh mama, not a day goes by that i dont think of you. sometimes its the lady walking in the store, or the scent of your favorite foods, a pattern of fabric you would have liked, a book or a story, a song or a movie you liked… sometimes its just the day itself, christmas, your birthday, mine…. sometimes its just plain old missing you. but nearly every day i say to freddie…. oh my mother would have loved this…. about something or another.. ive had countless dreams with you in them. i dream all the time about things going on at our old family home on chester street… you are always there, and the dreams take place in a strange present tense…. ive spoken of these dreams to several people. they have suggested that perhaps you send them to me, as a means of visiting me.. in the place we were all so happy…. that is a comforting and sweet thought to me. i feel you around me all the time. i miss you painfully, never quite able to shake the sense of loss since youre gone. i love you. i want you to know that i am doing much better than i was when you left us…. i was such a mess just then, and i was hurt to know the hurt that caused you, and to see in you silence how much you wanted to tell me you worried. but mom, i am doing better. lots better. ive cleaned up my act HUGELY. and a big part of that has to do with the promise i made before you died, that i would straighten up and get it together. Sharon Sina, at your funeral played your emissary, and admonished me with gravity to get it together. i hope her boys, Joe Sina and Matthew Sina who both read my posts will check in with the progress reports to Sharon, your favorite cousin, who delivered your concerns so poignantly. im sorry that things have not held together with your other son and me. but you were wise and aware when you told me there in that hospice to stop pretending if we could not get along. Melissa Beach, your daughter and my sister, has been incredible. she reached out to me and showed lots of love even during the time when things were darkest for me… and i thank her for that grace and sweetness. oh mama… i wish you were still here. but i know how you suffered. and i know you must be so glad to be able to run, to ice skate, to shop, and chase like the dickens for all time now without pain….. its hard to type all this thru these tears…. i just want you to know how much i miss you… love you. and am doing right for myself in honor of your dying wishes for me…. ill be along your way one day i know… and until then, i shall continue to do the best i can. and keep your memory alive. tell everyone there i said hello. love…. your number one son…. murphy...
Posted on: Tue, 08 Apr 2014 22:05:05 +0000
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