alright guys. im about to rant and I really do try to keep my - TopicsExpress

alright guys. im about to rant and I really do try to keep my personal junk off facebook, but as much as my name has been thrown around the past few days I dont think I can keep my mouth shut anymore. yes I made a big mistake and yes everyone who needs to know does know. I am sick and tired of hearing people say that I havent had to face any consequences. do you think that, as being daddys little girl, facing him with my short comings was easy? do you think that having to tell my grandma, who i look up to more than anyone, was easy? do you think that working through this and facing my amazing fiancé with this was easy? heck no! but I did it because it was one of the many consequences of my mistake. I have also gone to the same church for 18 years and am now having to find a new home church because of this. I didnt eat for 2 days and I laid on the bathroom floor dry heaving for an hour, pulling out my own hair, and crying until I couldnt breathe, because I felt so disgusting. I ran so far away from God over the past month because of this and I am just now getting back to where I need to be. how will everyone I know judging me and looking down on for one mistake make the situation get any better? I am not, and have not, denied what i did or tried to make excuses for myself. I fell so hard and am ashamed of my awful choice. I am sorry for everyone that i hurt by my choice. but God still has a huge plan for me. He has no record of my failure because I have earnestly asked for forgiveness. When He died on the cross, it wasnt just for you. It was for me too. For all my faults and failures past, present, and future. When he created me, He knew that i would screw up. He also knew He would pick me up, dust me off, love me unconditionally, and continue to guide me on my path to His plan. that being said, i will not let your hatred, spite, or anger derail me from coming out of this mess a better woman. So to anyone who knows what happened and wants to judge me, downgrade me, or talk about me behind my back, just know that God will always have my back and pick me up and your opinion does not matter. so if you have any negativity toward me, go ahead and remove yourself from my facebook. that is all.