b. MAKE THE FIRST MOVE TOWARD RECONCILIATION – When there is a conflict, time (alone) heals nothing; it only allows hurt feelings/misunderstandings to fester. On-the-other hand acting quickly minimizes spiritual-damage. c. SEEK TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO BE UNDERSTOOD – use your ears more than your mouth. i. Don’t try to talk people out of how they feel, at least not initially – hear them out, give them the space/time to emotionally-unload. Just nod now and again to affirm that you understand that they are hurting even if you do not agree with WHAT they are saying. Your job at this point is simply to listen and give the other person the experience of being heard. Keep in mind too, that feelings are rarely logical. ii. Another helpful thought on the matter: “Any man can hold a grudge, but it takes a king or queen to grant a pardon” d. Aknowledge Your Contribution i. Acknowledge Your contribution and Express What you might have done differently. ii. When we are willing to admit our own mistakes the other person realizes that we are serious about reconciliation. iii. Additionally the humility of admitting our mistakes typically neutralize/diffuses an argument/anger/attack. iv. On the other hand, People are insulted on many levels when we shift blame or make excuses; it is better to honestly own-up to any part we played in the conflict (intentional or not). It is important to the integrity of the relationship for you to accept responsibility for your mistakes and to ask for forgiveness. e. SEPARATE THE PROBLEM FROM THE PERSON – Attack the problem not the person: i. Try to use “I” statements rather than “You” statements: “I felt humiliated when you put my paper in the garbage” instead of “You humiliated me when you threw my paper in the garbage” ii. Choose words wisely (tone matters). iii. Keep in mind that “how” something is said frequently has a greater impact than “what” is said – condemning, belittling, negatively comparing, labeling, insulting, being condescending, or using sarcasms are all counterproductive. iv. Words are like boomerangs – they come back to you. f. MAINTAIN A COOPERATIVE SPIRIT – Show respect to: the pastor, elder, or leader in charge. Blatant rudeness is disrespectful to everyone present.
Posted on: Sun, 09 Jun 2013 17:52:44 +0000
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