boys in the band... Clint Backward (8) – Car bits, toilet, kitchen & garden “percussion”, shouting. Mrs Mills is a percussionist of the rarest kind - he ‘plays’ all those saucepans, engine bits, teapots, peepots and other weird objects with a never-before-seen passion. Drummer in the rock group the ‘Zombie Lovers’, He also plays guitar and bass. He has a black belt in snakes-and-ladders and holds the world record for riding a bicycle underwater whilst playing bagpipes (3.2497 seconds). Although he has lived in France for 47 years, he still thinks a tricolore is someone who makes syrup. His favourite pastime is speakin’ proper His Heroes: Spike Milligan, Ken Livingstone, and Mrs Mills Peregrine Cax (2345-2322) – Guitar, banjo, (and sax when he can afford one) This bizarre looking specimen is the product of a Virginian father and a Southampton mother and you can’t get a much murkier muddle than that! He practices screaming and being a raving lunatic most days of the week. He’s a formidable guitarist and very accomplished on several other instruments. He spent his formative years in California and a few years in England, before moving to France with the Zombies. No wonder he’s mad! He lives in Limoges with his wife and son. A jazz novice, he has just learnt that Chet Baker is not an airline pastry cook. His favourite colour “Hey, all of ‘em at once, dude!” His Heroes: Spike Milligan, Ken Livingstone, Wayne and Cassandra Goebels Roger Zemool (3-0) – Tea Chest bass, pubic speaking An untouchable master of the tea-chest bass and brilliant unsinger, he also produces an astounding array of amazing noises. He lends the cultural touch to the group. As a child he used to tap away on cups and saucers and things with a lump hammer, till his mummy bought him an old dustbin, a stick and a lump of wet wool. With this fashioned a celestial telescope but quickly changed it into his first bass. He lives in Limoges with fourteen women and is a regular visitor to the local home for the irretrievably mystified. He can arrange your insurance for a special price. His favourite colour; “Umm – beaver?” His Heroes: Spike Milligan, Ken Livingstone, Biffo the bear Otis Scunthorpe (1846 –1903) - Guitar, mandolin, percussion, vocals This jolly good singer also plays Mongolian sousaphone with emotion verging on the manic. After service in the First World War as the Kaiser’s batman, he followed a career in accountancy but he really wanted to follow his granny’s footsteps and go on the stage – now his dream has come true. He lives in a little shed with his nice lady friend, a goat and seven aardvarks. His children crept out one night and have never been seen since. He has very pretty green eyes, His Heroes: Spike Milligan, Ken Livingstone, Percy Thrower Aged Swill (93) – Banjo, trombone, vocals, wellie boot, kettle, kazoo, chain saw, duck call, slide whistle, cuckoo call, trill, bedpan, dustbin lid, plimsoll, slipper, toy horn, real horn, broken horn, water pump, taps, bike pump, sledgehammer, walrus, police whistle, mountain boot, and a few other things. The youngest and most modest of the quirky quintet, this wonderful, handsome chap sings unbelievably whilst playing the banjo (also unbelievable). He makes a delightful assortment of very pleasing sounds on whistles, horns, tromblephone, birdcalls, etc. – not to be missed (so take good aim). Before decamping to France he played in various jazz and jazz-rock groups. He is much sought after in many countries, mainly by the authorities. He lives in a drear, dark manse ‘Festering Heights’, which clings to the side of a cold, bleak mountain; the village squire and lonely master of all he surveys. His vicious tongue and ready lash strike terror into the hearts of his two faithful retainers, Ernie and Mavis Glossop and the… [That’s ENUFF! Stop the bollix RIGHT NOW! STOPPP! Aged, we all know that you live in a leaky, one roomed, wooden shack in a soggy field with an outside slammer and only a one holer at that. And you wash in a ditch, when you bother that is, and you haven’t got two centimes to rub together. And why should you give yourself two and a half pages of introduction when I only get four measly lines and a tiny, crappy drawing, which makes me look twenty years older than I really am!! – Otis “pissed off” Scunthorpe]. [YEAH! I only got about four lines two four me two– Anal]. [YEAH! – wot? – Clint]. [Yzzzzzzzzz….. Hey COOL, baby! - Peregrine]. [Oh alright, alright! I was just getting into that, could have been my big break. “Aged Bronte” - has a really nice ring to it]. His favourite colour is khaki His Heroes: Spike Milligan, Ken Livingstone, Norris Dalton, Lonnie Donegan, Mavis Glossop Listen to our dedication to "Old Blue Eyes" (Michael Jackson), "The sheik of Araby" and others eluk.co.uk/pages/The_Incontinentals.shtml (Click on "Listen") Email us: [email protected]
Posted on: Sun, 30 Jun 2013 20:33:53 +0000