#freakshowfriday Sooooo, I went through my YouTube channels and compiled a little mashup of clips from the various videos, which together have over 100,000 views. I cringe a little now at the memory lane of it all. Many are scenes from a forgettable past that Ive worked to let go of. Its forgettable because of the narcissistic, neurotic, obsessive, psychopathic hallucination of it all. People, I spent many years meditating about how Id become the President of the United States. Seriously, I really did. Thats crazy. I believe Im no longer all that crazy, but at 35 years old, Im attempting to define my own life for the first time while digging out of a significant hole. I regressed to a very uncomfortable infantile state while being hammered with the grim reality of social and financial dysfunction. Oh, but what Ive learned in the meantime! A mind is a terrible thing to waste? My mind was so active, it wasted me. Recent experiences in Hillsdale, MI have connected me to my heart. Ive felt all the significant pains, frustrations, anxieties, losses. Ive lived unspeakable humiliation. Ive let myself wear a submissive, victimized face because I had no leg to stand on. Ive done much wrong and so little right. I let myself get walked on in many ways, pushed and pulled, because I was simply lost in my mind and had very little capacity to give. I withdrew. Im not out of it, but Ive got a firm stance on rock bottom. And so I get to climb all the way out, which is great. Cheers to me being that guy!
Posted on: Sat, 13 Dec 2014 12:09:34 +0000
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