(from Hoyt Axton) I got a true story to relate to you tonight my friends. Would I lie to you? Would I lie to you? It was only a couple years ago friends. We were cruising around in the Honeysuckle Rose. We were out near Albuquerque, New Mexico, US of A, Western Hemisphere, Earth, Milky Way, Universe. We were feeling good!!! We were in love with life!!! We were not mad at nobody!!! True story, true story. There were little squirrels and rabbits and chipmunks dancing on the dashboard of the bus. Yes they were. Little friendly furry creatures of the forest and dell. Seventeen little tiny lady mice had on little pink tutus little silver slippers and little velvet bows in their hair. They were linked tiny furry paw in tiny furry paw. The were right in front of the steering wheel. They were singing “Zipadeedoodah zipadeeday.” Everything was beautiful. All of a sudden I looked around in the rear view mirror. Lo and Behold!!! What did I see coming up behind us on the freeway going 11423.2 miles per hour? A Navajo Van lines tractor and trailer truck. I was personally astounded. Really I was. I looked back at the band and said, “Band. Look it this dude going 11423.2 on a 55 mph interstate.” The band all had on rose colored sunglasses that day. They went “Yeah.” Because they were accidentally stoned. I know what you’re thinking. Musicians don’t get accidentally stoned. Friends, these are clean living young men and women. They do not cuss drink smoke chew or associate with them that do. But on this particular afternoon. About 15 minutes before the story of the truck driver. About 15 minutes prior to this incident. I looked across the freeway. I saw a Van Nuys Junior High School Girls Basketball team in a yellow school bus. They were headed east at 723 miles an hour. Looked like a John Wayne war movie. There was smoke coming out of every window on that bus. I knew what it was. I knew it was the noxious evil killer weed. So that I would not be personally contaminated I glommed onto myself a double lung full breath of fresh air. But with my breath held it was difficult to warn the rest of the band. So the smoke got in the bus and they got stoned that’s why they went “Yeah.” That was excited as they got all day. I don’t know what this truck driver had done but he musta done something wrong!!! There were a 23 million quadrillion gazillion trillion policeman on his case. They were in Jet Planes, helicoptors, bunch of Piper Cubs and Cessna 172’s. One V-Tailed Beechcraft Bonanza with 2 doctors and some girls from Vegas drinking martinis. Flying funny and giggling a lot. They said they were looking for the Super Bowl. This was in July. As you can guess, there were a lot of squad cars involved in this chase. There was an inordinate.. um.. there were an inordinate.. There were a whole lot of Chrysler products on the road. Couple of Fords and Chevys. One ’49 Nash Rambler with Broderick Crawford in the back seat. I don’t know what they wanted to talk to that truck driver but they wanted to talk to him about something!!!! Now here’s the scary part. When the truck pulled even with the bus. I looked around and my jaw went slack and agape in utter awe and amazement. And that truck driver. That nefarious rapscallion threw a plastic baggy out of the right hand side of the truck. It was about the size of a quart freezer bag. No wait, it was about turkey basting size. You don’t believe me, okay.. Big green trash bag. Said Lawrence Livermore on the side. I don’t know what was in the baggy, but I did get a glimpse at it. Looked like tiny religious wafers. Little white pills with crosses on ‘em. Like I said, I don’t know what was in the baggy. But about 5 minutes later, I felt this tremulation in my nervous system!!! I felt good!!!! I had all this energy!!!! I wanted to drive fast, drink wine, crash, flip-out, shoot the teacher, go to Tijuana and get married!!!! I wanted to live a little bit!!!! I felt like I wanted to save the universe!!!! But i didn’t know what was attacking it. So then I felt like attacking it and saving it from myself!!!!!.. Shazam!!!! Over the next 5 minutes, I wrote over 171 thousand songs. Trouble is, we can’t remember any of them.
Posted on: Mon, 09 Sep 2013 05:14:01 +0000
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