https://youtube/watch?v=S27OXHYaR3A SHARING is caring. Deep reflective thoughts tonight... and here is why. Me. He got it down.However mines more Compare, Aware but still Despairs. Its true... i walk into a room, see a guy i like and then i make a note of all the reasons Im drawn to this person... then i compare those same things with my own, immediately i choke on the thoughts, fall flat on my face and want nothing more than to run, hide and feel sorry for myself. I did it only last-night in fact... where i was approached, spoken to by an individual of great personal interest (for years now) and i just wanted to run... and i did, and it was even going well. So why did I run away? (awkwardly I may add). -because i made myself feel less than what I probably am. In my mind my concern was whats going on in his mind and how can i reflect and even come close to what he may represent to me to him. I think the core of this comes down to a fear of rejection... if not immediate then eventually. Even if i was successful in meeting the perfect person and everything getting on well... i would purposely ruin it to save myself being hurt in the long run. The more appealing they are to me the bigger the barrier. The problem is Im aware of it... unlike many others, I just cant bring myself to believe in myself and believe it fully. Its a vicious circle. Its also something not so easy to break out of... I could be told by a thousand people/friends/family how great I am, all these things that people would kill to have, what a nice person and personality I have and how i deliver myself to others... but if i dont believe it, the word of anyone else means little if nothing when it comes to making a permanent mark in my mind. The fact im even aware makes it worse because I will then argue with my positive thoughts, the ones trying to work around this confidence and self worth issue. A battle with the dark side haha.
Posted on: Wed, 21 Jan 2015 06:05:16 +0000
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