i never had a friend to hang out with who has epilepsy like me. if - TopicsExpress

i never had a friend to hang out with who has epilepsy like me. if they have epilepsy or not i guess its my own fault. instead of enjoying myself, i just sit there quiet. waiting and wishing that i dont have a seizure in front of anyone. not being comfortable is the worst feeling in the world but dont feel sorry for me, its a choice that i choose. but sometimes i get mad at myself. ive never envied or been mad at anyone because i was born with epilepsy and they werent. i choose not to go to outings and parties. i feel more comfortable in my backyard alone under my apple trees than i do at a family members or someones home. does that make me weird, maybe. i read alot. i listen to music. i write. i talk to Henry alot. Henry is my seizure dog and probably knows more about me than anyone else. i live my life by schedule. AM med time, PM med time. work-in a full 8 hrs sleep. i know, what a life, huh? ...well its mine and i accepted it when i was only a child. i wouldnt know how to live any other way. just wish others could understand instead of mocking or make fun and laugh while they say mean things. but they do. even tho it wouldnt be hard for me to just kick their ass, i dont. but someday you never know, maybe thats why they never do it in front of me personally. can you imagine me turning their snickers and verbal assaults into tears and humiliation. it would be so easy. a shallow mind is a pity and i do not feel sorry for idiots. to feel sorry for them would show some kind of acceptance of their behavior. i dont accept stupidity from someone who doesnt have a moral conscience. people like that need to be put down. i guess what im saying is from now on ill be taking out the verbal trash so to speak. if it gets physical, whatever. but i do prefer the opportunity to tinker with their mind, you know get inside there and play around. see what theyre hiding behind their snickers and meanest and laughter at the expense of someone else...that would almost be worth leaving my apple trees for awhile. wonder if theres any available flights to TN.

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