kinda feel there is almost no connection left for me in the trance scene. not into the party and acid stuff for many years already, not into the vibes and opinions and actions of most people associated, not into most of the music, dont have rastas or wear shirts with psychedelic colors, not into marching against monsanto or waking up my chakras, i think the nord lead is a shitty synth ;) , havent performed in years and the only reason i even want to perform is because im supposed to want to or something. i have tried in the past to walk away and wasted a lot of good intentions, cash and support from people i love to try to find new paths but couldnt do it and always found myself back to crazy nights of tracking and studying synthesis. i know this could just be another cycle of thoughts, but in the past weeks i get more and more the feeling i dont belong here anymore, and if i just had an alternative lifestyle there was a good chance i would take it.... kinda like an athlete who retires and then has no idea what to do with himself, there is nothing i want other than music, but i am not sure i want music :P i have entered my 30s and while there are amazing things in music i am proud of, the scene has not embraced us beyond the internet, and for many years that was my dream, to be embraced, but now, if i am honest with myself i dont even yearn for that anymore. hmmm...p.s. this isnt a cry-wolf suicide-for-attention attempt or such, just my true thoughts that i finally found the words for
Posted on: Sun, 06 Jul 2014 02:18:11 +0000
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