must read kisinai dil se likha hai No, the morning wasn’t any different than the every morning I woke up to. I was in the bed when the sixth hour of the day took its last breath. I curled myself in the thin blanket letting my chin rest on the pillow. Mother and Father were habitually woken up. I smelled tea, breakfast and I heard the continuous noise made by the utensils in the house. They were few and they made noise. They weren’t fully empty though. My younger brother was asleep. I began to think about him. I wished wholeheartedly that he remained as innocent and unknown to the world’s reality as he was. I wished he never walked in the world where you realize “poor” and “rich” are just not the words. Every day, I hoped, I will walk myself and my family into a better life soon. I got out of the bed and folded the blankets and kept it away. I went to kitchen; Father sipped tea as Mother putted forth her thoughts about the price-rises. He listened as if he listened to the prayers in temple. He didn’t response. I smiled. So, the morning wasn’t any different than the every morning I woke up to. I belonged to a small village. Father had livelihood in Delhi so I was brought up there. Delhi is an amazing place. It never stops. They built roads then they built a flyover then they built a crossing flyover. Delhi is not just the capital of India; it is the hope of the country. The hope rises at all the times despite of all the lamentation. It wakes up every day with a hope to walk into a better future, like me. My father’s earnings were sufficient enough to fulfill our stomachs so we weren’t worried about him committing suicides over agricultural issues. Mother was a housewife, brother was studying in higher secondary school and I wanted to become a doctor. I performed academically well and was way to determine to pursue my dreams. Father sold the land to support my education. I saw the day when I went to medical college carrying my own aura of simplicity amidst the world chasing modernity. I was a simple girl with whitish color tone and not even neared the out-of-sight attractive figure. I was the girl in Delhi who braided her long hair and covered her books with a stole in Sun and rain. I walked a few kilometers, traveled in metro and sometimes, settled with readily available any sort of public or private transport. I was the girl who was reluctant, for her entire life, to enter the big flashy malls with a fear of staining the tiles in there. That day was special and the morning played a subtle role to keep the secret of the day! Unknown to the vicinity of the fate I traveled through the time as if I had lived so many year to live that day. As every hour of the day passed my routine had no significant change. After the daily chores – from helping Mother in the house to running for college through the heavy jungle of human beings and automobiles that decorate the atmosphere with apathetically excessive amount of harmful substances, I heaved a sigh of relief at lunch after a series of lectures. I sat at the canteen with a bunch of good people who called me friends and we mutually exchanged respect, affection and the world’s morality with each other. They talked, screamed out of sheer madness for no reason and laughed. Sometimes, their laughs made me smile. I thought that smile is termed as inner happiness. I was lucky. I had a great family, wonderful laughing friends and I had inner happiness. One of the girls in the group coughed while drinking water and one of the guys at table looked at her worriedly. They exchanged looks and she smiled slightly. His attention had eased her pain. Her smile had given him another reason to live life happily. Love, definitely, is above science. Being loved is being blessed by God. Being cared is being made feel special. I witnessed the feelings and captured the essence of emotions. I had saved them in my heart for I knew I was going to step into a better future. Do you know what is strange about time? It knows where it is leading; it’s just that it doesn’t tell where it is taking you along. My time had silently wept, I am certain. The sun had set without my knowledge. I stayed very late at college to complete my work that I forgot to say a bye to the Sun. You will know what I mean when it’s your time to go. I hurriedly started to leave to go back home. That was when the lover boy of my group asked me to accompany him. I wondered where the world is leading to. I had seen many times when girls desperately need a company to go out… perhaps! I thought he needed to talk to me about his crush. We walked for a few minutes till we reached a bus-stop. He talked to me about everything in the world but about her. I smiled. The vehicles passed one after the other with yellow and red lights. They made noise and exhaled dust; it didn’t bother us. I decided to ask him about her. The moment I spoke up the bus took a halt. It was a private transport. I had traveled in a private transport before so we hopped in without a thought. There were few people in the bus including me and my friend. My friend sat next to me and we continued talking. I was tired and thinking about my Father’s reaction. He would say, “My fairy, why do you come home so late. If you have to start late from college then give me a call. I will come to your college to pick you up.” We noticed the bus was on the wrong direction. My friend stood up and went to the driver to enquire. The people in the bus smashed him with a stick. I was terrified. I went ahead to save my friend and they pulled my duppatta. Yes, I am the same girl who was brutally raped and tortured till death by six people on December 16, 2012. You – my country people – named me Nirbhaya – fearless. I am not fearless. I am very fearful, helpless and debilitated. I am residing in every Indian woman’s heart. I take birth at that every moment when the thought of being unsafe strikes an Indian woman’s heart. I reside in the thoughts of the Fathers, Brothers, Husbands, and Boy-Friends. I haven’t died. They molested me to extend of molding my body to inside out. But they couldn’t kill me. I am still alive in the darkness of the nights and roar of the cries of those who are exploited while you are reading this. The mishap went on for hours… they chopped every part of me. All they wanted was to have some fun in the bus moving in the jungle of human beings and automobiles. I cried till it converted into yelling. I yelled till it converted into fight. They showed no mercy. I fought. I fought back with all my energies. I kept myself awake. I tried to run away. I thought about my brother’s future and the noise of the vessels in my house. I thought about the better future of my family. They didn’t stop. I aggressively fought back. I thought about the smile on that girl’s face I saw during lunch. I remembered my friend’s caring gesture towards her. I wanted to get married… I wanted to experience those emotions and so I had saved them in my heart for I knew I was going to step into a better future. Damn, I didn’t want to die so I fought back. They threw us out of the moving bus into the shrubberies. I saw my soul standing next to my naked body. My soul had crossed the limit of patience, too. It couldn’t bear the pain of my raped body, injured heart, strong emotions and the determinations to stay alive. It wanted me to succumb to the agony. I refused. I fought with the universe and continued to breath. I had not said a good-bye to the Sun, I remembered. I wanted to see my parents and my little brother. I wanted to say them a good-bye. I wanted to tell them I fought. I fought so hard that those men realized they didn’t have an organ to rape me anymore. I had to apologize to my Father for not fulfilling his dreams. I wanted to hug my brother and cry. I had never imagined that he would face the reality of the world through my eyes. Thank you my country people for screaming for justice. Thank you all for letting the nation remember I died of inhumanity. You did your part very well after the mishap. If all of us had done our part very well before the mishap, I wouldn’t have left the world. I heard they are sentenced to death. I heard I got the justice. I heard I died. But I died to wake you up. I died to tell you to remember the ethics, morality and all those good and big things about us – about our ancestor, about our country. Please wake up to those things. I want to die from the thoughts and hearts of the unsafe Indians. I want to live in your memories forever… a memory that will make you cry but will teach you to act right, fight back against injustice and held your head high. Only then, Oh my country people, the pleasure will be mine for sacrificing my life not because of the people but for the people...
Posted on: Sun, 22 Sep 2013 04:53:40 +0000
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