ok, last bit now... and this is the part that may be hardest for some of you. assisted suicide, the right to die, and mental illness or simply being done. i know enough of my friends have trouble wrapping their heads around the idea of being allowed to request assisted suicide as an option for terminal illness... i imagine understanding the idea of it being acceptable in cases such as that of the young Spanish gentleman with schizophrenia who received the help of Dignitas to end his tortured life, or that of Sir Edward and Lady Joan Downes who chose to leave this world together due to her terminal cancer of the liver and pancreas would be far more difficult to understand and accept. please understand, i do not advocate suicide as a viable alternative to missing the prom because you have no date, or other transient stress. i do not think everyone with depression issues should go jump off a bridge. there are many, MANY alternatives to suicide... and i will give you lists, and offer you assistance in finding the proper help, be it medications, an ear to listen, a way to distract yourself, something to cheer you up and tide you over until either the outside world stops providing you with situational depression, or you can get your feet back under you long enough to go back to fighting oh so valiantly to stay alive. but for some, every day is torture... every day is not just an uphill battle, but a climb of Everest... failed. every voice filled with love is suspect, every good thing is pain waiting to happen... or overwhelmed by the pain you CAN NOT CONTROL. i told someone years ago that i would die for them... because dying was easy for me... but to live for someone, that was hell... and i described as clearly as i have to anyone what the inside of my head is like... and i told them the reason was because i WOULD live for them if they asked... but i wanted them to understand the depth of what they were really asking. i have stayed alive for my responsibilities, i have made commitments (children, pets, tasks that i felt strongly about finishing) that kept me motivated to keep rolling through that field of broken glass... and i have done so. i am stubborn. i sometimes enjoy moments, like snuggling with my beloved Trixie, watching a funny movie, spending some time with a friend, eating a good meal... life is not solely pain, but it is always in the background, like some damned mugger wanting to bash me in the head and steal my belief that someone loves me, or could want to be my friend, or that i have any damned value in this world at all. ive had enough experience that i can fight it, doesnt make it easy, doesnt make it not feel like being flayed alive... but i can do it. some day, i may exercise the option of taking my own life... if so, it will likely be to avoid living with Alzheimers... like ive said, i can handle the depression... if you can not... if this world is too much for you and you want help to fight, i will do what i can for you... but if you are really ready to go, i will support that decision as well, and i will fight to do what i can to help you. this life is your story, it will be what you make of it... i firmly believe that includes the ending.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 01:58:33 +0000
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