rant. argh and stuff. can I be mad at someone for not wanting anything to do with me? Im aware I have numerous issues and Im hard to be around/talk to and when complete strangers avoid me thats fine but when I receive the same treatment from friends I dont know what to think. Of course I think I dont deserve it and for some strange reason I feel they have the right to be hostile towards me but I simultaneously think something has to give. Im a very selfish and reclusive individual but I can no longer stand being alone. I keep my mouth shut at all times because though my isolation has left me in a terrible state I just really dont want to interact with people. I dont want to exchange useless information or risk embarrassing myself with my social ineptitude. There are definitely a few people Id like to see, people Id go see right this minute if I could, but they want nothing to do with me and Ive always felt I shouldnt have to beg someone to interact with me, especially not someone that claims to be close to me. At the end of all this thinking Im left with more circular logic. I throw my hands up and go back to repressing everything and NOTHING is solved. Im in the mood to start sending some messages but I have no idea what to say and am confident it wouldnt accomplish anything.
Posted on: Tue, 07 Oct 2014 03:33:41 +0000
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