so I try to enter the fantasy state with a more complete dissociation...I dont know why I never tried harder to master this...except there was no real point when I was on medication more of the time...Im finally free to try to learn to self regulate...like a moth metamorphosizing free to fly or walk...drawn to light...maybe there is some morphic translation of being drawn to light...needing to breath...to imagine different things...a strong craving...a spinach fantasy maybe...caving a riding and the cocoon..breaking out of the cocoon...Right now i just need to rest...to break out of the cocoon I need the complete story logic...the story crystal related to snow and combinatory condensation...modulatory passages in explanation...harmonic structure...I need to forgive myself for betraying my former loyalties and for being aware of the failure of others, where I might not have failed...the apocalypse is where my attention turns in fantasy...the possibility of apocalypse...the force of the form of ritual...icabod crane is reborn in the series about him, and he remembers betraying the english, letting someone die he could have saved, joining the masons...a witch who was a nurse and an abolitionist saved him from the masons...the four horsemen and the four characters that dominate me...the headless horsemen...though I dont know what that is supposed to mean...I also dont know that the four horsemen solely represent the four characters, the four people I relive the most...there might be other meanings that work in the storytelling...Death is upon a white horse...pure evil on a white horse...the wolf in sheeps clothing maybe...the translation of the Bible into an isomorphic translation...a goddess, a circle of women and a single male, the commonalities with gruesome crucifixion and schizophrenia...I wonder if christianity is more shamanic than people think...jesus descends into hell, death and rebirth, maybe it is mythological guiding imagery for the west...empathy for wounded healer figure in analogous terms...appetites and conscious explanations of them...projection of subconscious awareness..the crystal story and tribal identity...I want to translate the bible into morphic variation...related to the idea of parables and analogy...I also want to study Shakespeare and JRR Tolkien and I want to write a story of Socrates..or have Socrates as a character in a story...I want to study English stories like King Arthur and Robin Hood...and I am interested in Lewis Carroll and Edgar Allan Poe. I want to read Virginia Woolf and other famous women writers from various historical periods...Elizabeth Barrott Browning, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B Anothony...Im interested in the interpretation of feminism as a love of men with ironic use of language in the non bonobo feminism...the idea that Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B Anothony will return in the apocalypse...the past being all directions in time...the idea that feminism is a fellowship and the meaning of feminist literature only becomes evident to people in the fellowship...various combinatory work translating the Bible and feminist literature in an inverted metaphore for linking back to the garden...Shakespeare, Poe, Lewis Carroll and JRR Tolkein...with an emphasis on Van Gogh and Socrates...it could be a really cool exploration...Lewis Carroll and his symbolic logic, JRR Tolkien and his scholarly work as a historian, and the guy who wrote Ivanhoe...he developed the whole idea of the historical novel...I forget his name...Crap my chest is hurting again...this is too stressful...I meant to escape...the feminist apocalypse is a stressful idea...I feel them both appaulled and amused by the idea...one thing I want to mention is the idea of the witch cult associated with robin hood...I want to know more about what has been written about that.
Posted on: Wed, 19 Mar 2014 00:33:31 +0000