sometimes I dont know whats going on. And most of the time I feel like an idiot. And all of the time... Im scared. Today is 9/11. I have traditionally never posted much about my memories of 9/11. I am the kind of guy that keeps video tapes of news from the past. I like news reruns. I like to occasionally pop in a random tape of some newscast that I taped in the late 80s or 90s. I like to watch the coverage. I like to watch the reporters. I like to watch the hairstyles. I like to watch the fonts, the graphics, the logo design, and just the overall general television news presentation of a particular year… as it compares to the current ways of doing the same things. Aaron Brown did a pretty good job of covering the situation live on CNN. I never watched his coverage before… But it seemed really solid. In watching the CBS news live coverage… I observe Bryant Gumbel taking calls from eyewitnesses. I listen to the gay-sounding server from a restaurant, the first eyewitness CBS news interviewed nationally. Where is he now? Where is Wendell Klien, the second eyewitness? Wheres the third eyewitness, Theresa, who told Bryant Gumbel the second plane crashing into the World Trade Center looked clearly like it was not a bigger commercial plane? (If this were today… I feel certain that Bryant Gumbel or Aaron Brown would have been punked by a listener to the Howard Stern show.) Over the years, I have watched the major networks coverage… and Ive listened to many of the radio reports from New York City at the time, especially George Weber on WABC. I remember his opening the 8-oclock hour with... The sun has come out in New York City. That always struck me. Such an unbelievable, mind-boggling, off-the-charts unreal attack situation going on in real time… and the first thought he wanted to deliver on this historic hour of major market newsradio was… the observation that the sun had come out. Its something that happens every day, but on that day, I guess he was looking for anything positive to say. As I sit here watching the live coverage of the initial attacks on New York City and Washington DC… I am taken back to where I was in 2001. I was about a year away from graduating from college. I had a boyfriend. He was in training, as a travel agent, and I remember driving him to work that morning… and I remember him describing the situation at the travel agency: agents, trainees, and trainers in tears… live news coverage on the big TV… no travel plans being created or edited. I wonder where he is now. Hes the only guy Ive ever dated who hit me. We didnt stay in touch. Yet I wonder where he is today. My classes that day were Philosophy of Math and Dramatic Improvisation, and both classes were held. I remember checking with my mom, who also worked at the University where I was a student. I was kind of hoping to not have to go to class that day… although my mom informed me classes were being held. I remember also asking about my father, a pilot, not a military or commercial pilot, but still a pilot nonetheless. He was fine, though obviously not flying. I remember driving down Speedway Boulevard in Tucson, looking at the light posts along the street, as I was listening to a radio news report of the plane hit the Pentagon… clipping light poles as it got close enough to the ground to crash. For some reason, it was that detail that made me cry. Its the only time I really remember becoming emotional about the situation. I think it was just the reality of the moment as I was driving down the street… I was thinking, what if an airplane was about to crash in front of me? I remember thinking, one plane crashing into a building is major breaking news. A second plane crashing into the same building is almost unimaginable. A third building simultaneously crashing into the Pentagon officially makes it mind-boggling. Then I remember hearing about the Fourth plane, the one that crashed in Pennsylvania. And I had a true sense at that moment of, order 66. (Star Wars fans know what that means… although in 2001, the context had not been set up in the Star Wars universe. There is a moment in the Revenge of the Sith when the Emperor sends out his order, execute order 66. This is the point at which all of the storm troopers begin to kill the Jedi Knights that they were previously supporting.) My sense was… What if every airplane begins crashing into the nearest tall skyscraper? What would the real end of the world look like, feel like? I remember before they were using the word attack, when it was apparently just still a plane crash. I also think about the crawl that became so ubiquitous for the next decade after the attacks in 2001. This was the moment when that happened… when there was so much information to be continuously repeated, without much updating. My number theory class proceeded as usual. There was a TV in the classroom that had been left on, on a news channel, providing continuous coverage. As the teacher came into the room, he turned off the TV, and we proceeded to talk about the theory of numbers. My dramatic improvisation class was not normal. We sat, crosslegged, around the room in a semi circle, discussing our feelings and emotions. I remember driving back to my apartment… I remember picking up my boyfriend from his job, and listening to his observations of the travel agency atmosphere. That night, I remember watching CBS evening news with Dan Rather. My boyfriend observed that Dan Rather looked like he knew something that he wasnt saying... perhaps the first of the conspiracy theories to be proffered in the wake of the attacks. Returning to my thoughts of the present day, in 2014… I frequently have this happen now, where Im watching a TV show or listening to a radio show from years past. I wonder where they are now, especially if its not obvious. For instance, Wolf Blitzer went on from the Iraq war coverage in the early 90s to become a major CNN star. But I wonder what happened to Aaron Brown… Hes not a major star now, though I think he had his own show for a while. (I know what happened to George Weber of WABC… and if you dont know the story of his death, it is almost exactly how I think I would like to die someday.) Philosophers sometimes describe a gods-eye view… Thats how it feels now. I know what happened, I know what happened afterward, and I know how were living today. Its a bit like watching a movie that youve seen before, which I do all the time. And, in doing this with the 9/11 attacks from 2001… I wonder: what will my life today... seem like in one year or ten years? Will I be a star? Will I ever be a reporter again? And even if I become a reporter again, and even if something this historic happens on my watch (which is the dream of most journalists I feel… to have a major major earth shattering world changing news event occur while they were on duty) it doesnt guarantee I would become a star. To quote governor Gatling from Benson, sometimes I dont know whats going on. And most of the time I feel like an idiot. And all of the time... Im scared. I wonder about many things. The future is obviously uncertain. How is it going to end? Will it get better? The Trevor Project thinks so. I want to think so. But, where will any of us be in another thirteen years?
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 15:06:15 +0000
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